


vinculum

by roszaire



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy VII Remake (Video Game 2020)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canon Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Zack Fair Lives, background aerith/tifa, mercenaries!, remake references, still updating tags
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-15
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:55:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 31,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23674213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roszaire/pseuds/roszaire
Summary: “We’re here,” the driver said.Zack straightened up immediately, rising to a stand. The truck rolled onward, its tires running over larger stones that caused the vehicle and its occupants to lurch forward slightly. The driver barked at him to sit back down, which Zack only did because he felt like it would be better for his nerves.“Oh yeah, Midgar!” Zack said triumphantly, leaning over to where Cloud was sitting against the back of the truck, head lolled listlessly to one side. In a softer voice, the older man said, “We’re finally here, Cloud. I can see the main pillar in the distance. Just a little more and we’ll be safe, alright?”
Relationships: Zack Fair/Cloud Strife
Comments: 110
Kudos: 810





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there was a sudden influx of zack posts on twitter so i decided to make a fic where they make it to midgar and become mercenaries like zack planned. ik there are already some fics like this but i wanted to give it a try u_u  
> characters will be introduced as normal, tho with a few twists. i'm literally making this up as we go so i have no idea lol
> 
> chapters may be slow because i'm busy playing the remake !!

“We’re here,” the driver said.

Zack straightened up immediately, rising to a stand. The truck rolled onward, its tires running over larger stones that caused the vehicle and its occupants to lurch forward slightly. The driver barked at him to sit back down, which Zack only did because he felt like it would be better for his nerves.

“ _Oh yeah_ , Midgar!” Zack said triumphantly, leaning over to where Cloud was sitting against the back of the truck, head lolled listlessly to one side. In a softer voice, the older man said, “We’re finally here, Cloud. I can see the main pillar in the distance. Just a little more and we’ll be safe, alright?”

As always, Cloud made no coherent response, but he did seem to tremble a little bit and make a noncommittal groan when Zack ruffled his hair. 

Zack beamed; while still mostly catatonic, Cloud was slowly coming back to his senses. At least, he thought so—after all, he was making more noises than before, and once Zack swore he saw Cloud try to reach for him. But that might’ve just been wishful thinking.

There was still going to be a period of time where Cloud would have to recover from the mako poisoning. Zack was no scientist, but he figured all he had to do was get them both to a safe location. _Then_ he’d think about the next step. 

Oh, how Zack missed not having to think. If only Cloud had woken up, then he’d help Zack figure out what to do. But that wasn’t his fault, and Zack—in all his exhaustion—would be more than happy to carry the load for a little longer.

“I’m dropping you off at Sector 5 like you said. Then you’re on your own,” the driver called.

Zack was fine with that. He could travel deeper into the slums to avoid as many Shinra patrols as he could. 

As much as he wanted to see Aerith after years of being held captive, he would have to steer clear of her. He also knew Tseng was always hovering around her for some reason—while he trusted him more than the others, Zack wanted to avoid potential problems as much as possible. Tseng was always about duty, after all, and Zack knew firsthand how duty often clashed with bonds.

Still, it hurt. He wanted badly to see Tseng and Aerith, Kunsel as well. But he didn’t want to jeopardize them with his presence; they were still on the run, and Zack also had Cloud to take care of. 

Perhaps when he had everything squared away, he’d visit Aerith first. The thought soothed him.

But it still left him struggling for solutions. Maybe they could go to Sector 7? Zack would need to ask around, to hunt for gil in order to find a place. 

Would people be willing to house an ex-SOLDIER and his catatonic friend while he scrounged around for money? He could always pay them back if need be.

_Hold on—one thing at a time, okay?_

By now, they had just reached the outskirts of Midgar. Upon instructions, Zack laid down and buried both Cloud and himself under the tarp that covered the trunk. 

Under the tarp was his Buster sword and large boxes that the driver had picked up from Kalm on the way to Midgar. While it was hardly a disguise, it was better than nothing.

The closer they got, the more the air began to thicken with the heat of mako. The driver fell silent from repeating his orders, turning up the radio to ease the tension. Zack laid on his stomach, poised so that he was ready to spring into action the second there was trouble. His sword was on one side of him, Cloud on the other; he held both close to him.

He knew there was gate security that kept guard at each sector entryway. Their first mission was to pass through the gate checks, and then they’d be officially in the city. The thought sent a bout of anticipation through Zack, and he tucked Cloud’s head closer to his shoulder.

“We’re gonna have to get you a sword, buddy,” he whispered. “That’ll be the first thing, okay? Well, other than a place to sleep. And food. But we’ll get there. Merc work should be easy to find, with all the monsters running around the place.”

He found solace in talking, even if his listener might not even be listening. He imagined Cloud nodding with a nervous grin, lips pursed in deep concentration as they waited it out.

Waiting made him feel antsy, especially when the mako air thrummed even louder. Zack felt the truck slowly halt, the driver leaning out of the window to talk to gate security. Usually, there were only two men—if it came down to fighting, Zack could probably take them down in no time. He hoped that wouldn’t be the case.

“What’re you here for?”

“Transportation, sir,” the driver replied smoothly. “I’m bringing shipment from Kalm. Some Shinra manager from the upper plate sent out for a delivery. Just here to send it through the postal system is all.”

“What did they order?”

A second voice chimed in, slightly exasperated. “It’s manager business, Darron. We can’t just go through their stuff. Besides, their activity is already tracked.”

“I haven’t looked through it myself, sir,” the driver offered. “Just picked it up in Kalm and headed straight to Midgar half a week ago.”

Zack’s breath stilled at the silence. The security talked amongst themselves while the driver waited.

“It’s just boxes,” the second person tried again. “Come on. No need to check everything.”

“Fine,” the first soldier groused. He tapped on the roof of the truck. “You may pass.”

“Have a good day, sir,” the driver said.

Zack mentally cheered as he could hear the Sector 1 gates opening, a jubilant victory tune singing through his head. He had worried that their little scheme wouldn’t work—it felt too ridiculous in a way, like they were playing a children’s game.

Fortunately, they were the winners. For this round, at least.

The engine hummed to life, and the truck kicked forward. Zack remained under the tarp, having no sense of direction as he felt them turning through the rubble that remained on the edge of Sector 5’s ground level. 

Beside him, Cloud grunted, and Zack’s heartbeat spiked. 

“Sorry if it’s a little cramped,” he said quietly. “I know you’re not a fan of tight spaces. I’m not either, after being stuck in those damn tanks—but we’re okay this time, alright? Just a little more.”

Soon, driver rapped a knuckle against the truck’s back window, signaling that it was okay for them to come out.

Zack sighed in relief when he shoved the tarp off. He straightened up and stretched out the cramps in his back that knotted from laying on the hard surface of the truck bed. He then sat Cloud up in a better sitting position.

“Where to?” the driver asked, slowing the truck a little. It was just them on the dirt path, which diverged into roads that led to different areas of Sector 5.

“Um,” Zack stalled. “Let’s see…”

Cloud’s lip moved, and Zack thought he looked like he was trying to stifle back a laugh. It was a better thought than admitting that Cloud’s expression remained vacant as usual.

“It’s starting to get dark, son. Better hurry up.”

The only shelter Zack could think of was the Sector 5 church. It was the closest, which meant more time to settle down and recuperate from riding in the back of a truck for a week and a half.

That left Aerith to deal with. He wanted to see her now more than ever, but he reckoned that it could wait— _if_ he ever built the courage to do so. His disappearance must’ve hurt her, and he didn’t want to sour what remaining friendship they shared.

However, shelter was still needed. In the end, Zack decided to wing it. If she happened to stop by the church earlier than she usually did in the early afternoons, then so be it. But Zack couldn’t let his nerves prevent him from seeking safety for them, especially Cloud.

So the church it was.

The steeples rose into view as they continued driving, a beacon of hope against the unforgiving metal sky of the plate high above it. Zack felt his breath stop as the truck began to slow down into a stop in front of the doors.

The place still looked the same from the outside, if not for slightly more wear. He remembered his younger self climbing those steps, eager to meet a certain flower girl inside. Those days were gone—instead of Aerith by his side, humming in his ear as she explained the care she gave to her garden, it was Cloud. He was silent.

“Are you sure about this? There ought to be an inn up ahead,” the driver said skeptically, watching Zack set his Buster sword on his back and swing his legs over the truck’s side.

“I’m sure,” Zack affirmed, carefully lifting Cloud from where he was sitting. He managed to sling the boy over his shoulder, his carefulness for naught when Cloud still groaned at the sudden movement.

Zack winced, but felt relieved overall. At least it was one of Cloud’s more responsive days, and that was always promising. And yet he still apologized; he couldn’t help it. 

“Sorry, Spike. Anyways, tomorrow I might look for that inn you mentioned, but for now I think we’ll be good tonight. I’ve been here plenty of times before, it’s safe.”

“If you say so,” the driver said, already starting the engine. “Well, good luck. Don’t know if I’ll ever see you two again, but if not, I hope everything goes well. Mercenary work, huh? I suppose… it's not the worst job one can find. I heard Sector 7 is a good place to start, you can head over there once you get more settled.”

“Will do! Thanks so much for the ride,” Zack said. “If it weren’t for this guy, I’d be shaking your hand and everything.”

“No need. You boys take care, alright?”

Zack saluted with his free hand, his other one over Cloud’s back in order to hold him in place on his shoulder. As the truck drove away, Zack turned to the church doors.

“What did I tell you, Cloud?” he hummed as he walked the stone steps. “I told you we’d make it. Wish you were awake to celebrate, though I can’t say we have anything to even celebrate with. Think Aerith set up a wine cellar here since last time? It’s a church, after all. And gardening can be very stressful.”

Cloud’s body seemed to tense, but that could just be Zack’s exhaustion catching up to him as he pushed open the wooden doors with a huff. Being on the run did a number on him.

The interior remained the same: the church expanded before him, pews lining both walls and the creaky wooden floors paving the way to the altar and its garden below. Moonlight was beginning to replace the waning sunlight through the breaks in the ceiling.

 _The flowers_. If they were still here, then she was, too.

To his delight, he saw the starbursts of yellow and white, moon-blanched and delicate. They were recognizable, they would always be to him. He could tell from the way the flowers lifted their petals that it was Aerith’s doing.

The garden painted such a heavenly picture, a familiar one, that Zack wasn’t able to stop himself from coming closer, his resolve weakening. Their petals beckoned him forward, greeting him after so long. 

It felt so real—and it _was_ real, not just some dream—that he could practically hear Aerith’s laughter floating in the still air.

The gravity of their current situation hit him then. He was back in the church, the place he had spent so many lovely days with her. Back when all he cared about was becoming a hero, building the perfect flower wagon for Aerith to sell her flowers, and looking after a particular shy cadet.

The years he had lost filled him with an overwhelming surge of melancholy. Then he felt the tips of Cloud’s hair brush his jawline, a caress that swayed him back to the present.

He set Cloud down, laying the blonde’s head as close to the flowers as he could without crushing them. It was as close to a pillow as he could get; the flowers crowned the boy’s head lovingly in return, welcoming him.

With a sigh, Zack unceremoniously plopped down to sit beside Cloud’s body. He leaned over, brushing a smudge of dirt from Cloud’s temple.

“We made it,” he said.

Cloud’s eyes were open this time; they must've while Zack was busy laying him down. He was barely present enough to do anything besides gaze up at the ceiling with an empty stare.

“Man, I’m spent!” Zack continued, looking down into Cloud’s blue eyes. He could see a faint ring of green around his pupils, telltale of the mako. “We should sleep now, ‘cause tomorrow it’s nothing but work for us. But you already knew that, huh? Smart guy.”

Zack laid down on his back right beside Cloud, putting his sword in a spot where he could easily grab it if any trouble arised. But he knew there wouldn’t be—somehow, the church always felt safe.

“Goodnight, Cloud,” Zack said. “Let me know if it gets cold, okay? It gets kinda drafty in here.”

He closed his eyes, though he let his arm reach to the ground above his head. His fingers sifted through the flowers, gentle and slow so that he wouldn’t damage anything with his own sword-calloused hand.

It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep; the months running had caught up to him in this moment, weighing down his body into a deep slumber. It wasn’t enough to sink the feeling of flight in his chest, though, an indecipherable lightness that he could only perceive as relief.

It was a good feeling. He slept peacefully for the first time in a long while, finally letting the tension seep from his body. It was safe here, he knew.

By then Zack was too knocked out from exhaustion to hear a hoarse voice, sounding so far away in its weak tremor. It was there, though, as well as the hand that reached out with trembling fingers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> vinculum (latin) - a bond or link


	2. Chapter 2

One minute he’d been asleep, easing his way along the quiet stream of unconsciousness that juxtaposed the harsh reality of awakened life.

The next minute a sudden rush of urgency struck through his body like lightning, kickstarting his brain into hyperdrive. _Move, move!_ it told him, and his body complied. He was on his feet in a flash, holding his sword out in a defensive position as his muscles tensed in anticipation.

To his relief, there was no danger. There was only the church at her zenith, patches of soft morning sunlight dappling the wooden floor and illuminating the entire interior with a certain delicacy that felt too fragile for Zack to draw his sword.

With a sigh, he positioned it back to its rightful spot on his back, rubbing his eyes with a free hand as he did so. He had woken up too early again. 

It was a habit that was enforced back in his Shinra days in order to perform his duties as efficiently as possible; a habit that only hardened over the years where being awake was better than being caught asleep by their hunters. 

The adrenaline was slowly receding, but he still felt the traces of its warmth darting through him. He itched for something to do, so he did a few squats to get over the initial rush before walking to the back room of the church. After being wary for so long, it was only instinctive that the first thing he did was to check their surroundings. Who knew what was out there, waiting for them to slip up before dragging them back to their prisons?

Zack knew the church was safe. There were hardly any monsters, and if there were, they’d usually be outside of the building. Deep down, though, he could never truly shake off his worries unless he checked for himself.

He had finished scanning the perimeter of the back room and was now on the second floor, on a mission to confirm that there was nothing hiding upstairs. If so, he’d kill them before they could get to him or Cloud.

Speaking of which, he should probably go back and check on the guy. Cloud tended to be restless in the mornings.

Zack began heading downstairs, warily eyeing the chandeliers that were barely hanging from the ceilings, when a cry echoed from the church’s main hall. It was followed by the loud thunk of a body against wood.

Immediately Zack rushed down the staircase, skipping two steps at a time. His sword was already drawn as he broke through the wooden doors of the back room, sweeping his gaze over the length of the room.

Instead of a horde of monsters, which was what he expected, he saw Cloud laying on his stomach, a few feet from where he had been when Zack left him. The boy was struggling to rise, his arms shaking violently as he fought to push himself up from the floor.

Zack practically dropped his sword, wincing at the clank of metal and apologizing profusely to the image of Angeal’s frown in his head. His moment of guilt went mostly ignored as he rushed over to kneel at Cloud’s side, gently but firmly pulling him up till he was leaning against Zack’s broader shoulder.

“Cloud? Are you okay?” Zack asked urgently, checking all over his friend’s body for any injuries. He had to make sure Cloud was unscathed. Had something come in and bothered Cloud while Zack was in the other room? He cursed himself for his negligence.

Cloud groaned and Zack’s head whipped up to meet the sound.

He could almost cry at the sight: Cloud’s eyes were open, except this time they didn’t possess the emptiness that came from being in a catatonic state. Instead, they were wide with genuine pain—a feeling that Cloud’s mind and body must’ve _registered_ —and when those blues locked with Zack’s own eyes, Cloud gave a soft whimper of recognition.

“Nghh…” he began to slur, head tilting forward as he struggled to take in his surroundings. His voice sounded scratchy and dry.

“Slow down, I got you,” Zack murmured. He looked around and grabbed the small metal canteen of water from his pack nearby. He unscrewed it with a hand, his other one busy with keeping Cloud sitting upright.

He slowly tipped the canteen up against Cloud’s lips, making sure the boy wasn’t choking in his effort to drink as much water as his body could manage. When the canteen was half-drained, Cloud turned his head and coughed.

“Hey, hey,” Zack said gently, running his fingers through Cloud’s hair in order to calm the other’s obvious agitation. “You’re doing great.”

Cloud seemed to ignore his attempt at calming. “A-alone,” Cloud started to mumble brokenly, his voice barely a hoarse whisper. “I—I woke up… was alone… don’t know where—w-what’s this? Where am I?”

A shudder racked through his body, and Zack could feel it travel through his own bones. The feeling was unpleasant and indicated Cloud’s building discomposure, so Zack continued trying to placate him, jumping between running a hand through his hair and rubbing his back.

He wanted so badly to tuck Cloud under his chin, to be physical support, but he had to let Cloud completely see him in order for him to understand that Zack wasn’t a figment of his mako-addled imagination.

“You’re not alone anymore,” Zack reassured him, letting his hands finally rest on Cloud’s shoulders. It was to ground them both, and also to keep Cloud from falling over. “I promise you, Cloud. You’re safe here. Do you… remember anything at all?”

Cloud screwed his eyes shut. “Nghh,” he groaned, his head lowered as a brief spasm of pain rolled through his body. “Head hurts…” But then he managed to look up shakily, eyes peeking from under his bangs. 

“Z-Zack?” he whispered. “Right…?”

Cloud’s look of hesitation and fear disappeared when Zack let out a cry of happiness. He couldn’t help but pull Cloud into a hug, one hand cradling the back of Cloud’s head almost as if he was trying to prevent the rest of Cloud’s memories from leaking out of his mind.

He hadn’t felt this light in a while; suddenly all of his pain and stress dissipated, leaving behind a simple delight in having his best friend return to him.

“I’ve been waiting for so long,” Zack said, forcing back tears of relief. “You have no idea, Spike.”

“Spike…?” Cloud repeated. He didn’t try to fight back Zack’s hug, even if it bordered on bone-crushing. Instead, he sank against Zack’s chest, his bodily shivers receding with each passing one.

“Yeah, Spike!” Zack beamed. “Because of this.” 

And he dared to ruffle the other’s hair like he used to. The emotion that always carried with the familiar gesture felt even greater than before, now with the person on the receiving end conscious enough to feel it.

Cloud used to duck his head away, but this time he simply closed his eyes and endured through the motions. Zack never felt any happier than he did now.

“Anyways,” Zack continued, retreating his hand. “To really answer your question: we’re in Midgar. The Sector 5 slums, specifically. We just arrived yesterday and stayed the night at an abandoned church.”

Cloud nodded. He just looked like he was bobbing his head.

“We’re gonna have to start moving again. Somebody owns this church, and I don’t think it’s a good time to surprise her. We have to get rest first, in a proper place with a soft bed and everything.”

“Who…?”

“Just an old friend,” Zack said simply. “Hopefully I can introduce you to her soon. She’s the best. But for now we should head out. Hold on a sec.”

Zack hurried to retrieve the sword that he dropped earlier. He wasn’t too fond of leaving Cloud’s side, even for a few seconds. Cloud seemed to feel the same, as his nervous expression slightly disappeared at Zack’s prompt return.

“Alrighty,” Zack said, crouching down. “First things first: can you stand up?”

Cloud didn't reply. He was already trying to push himself to his feet, and would’ve stumbled if it weren’t for Zack’s anxious hovering. In the end, he had Cloud’s arm around his neck so that Zack could hold him steady.

“Easy now,” he coaxed, straightening them up very slowly. “You just woke up. Give yourself some time to get used to everything. Mako poisoning can do some serious shit to ya.”

“Mako…?” Cloud began to ask. The single word seemed to cause him a headache, and so he cut himself off with a grimace.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Zack chuckled. “Don’t worry. We have all the time in the world to clear things up, now that we’re safe. That’s all that matters. And, lucky for us, I know the area, but we’re gonna have to walk for a bit. Feeling up to it?”

“Uggh… I-I think…” Cloud must’ve sensed the vague urgency in Zack’s voice, as he stiffened slightly.

“It’s okay to take your time,” Zack assured him. Internally, it was the opposite. They had to get out before Aerith came. While he knew she dropped by the church later in the day, he didn’t want to risk anything. 

As much as he missed her and wanted to see her, he had to get them somewhere more secure, especially when Cloud still needed to recover. He knew his protectiveness over Cloud overpowered his worries about Aerith. If Cloud knocked out again in the middle of the slums, with Shinra patrols nearby—

“Just let me know if we have to slow down,” Zack said, interrupting his downward spiral of thoughts. “Better to be safe than sorry.”

“Right,” Cloud said softly, his muscles tense where he had an arm over Zack’s shoulders. “Thank you…”

“Of course! I ain’t leaving you behind, _ever_.”

Cloud smiled weakly. It was barely there, just a faint stretch of his lips that resembled more of a grimace, but Zack could feel Cloud relax against him. And that was enough.

* * *

It was easy to follow the worn dirt path from the church to the sector’s district area, though there were a couple of monsters concealed among the debris.

Fortunately, Zack was able to take them down with ease; he felt like the time he spent on the road did heaps to strengthen him physically. The only setback was that he had to leave Cloud behind.

It reminded him of the old days, when he’d sit the previously-catatonic Cloud somewhere far away before going out to secure their route. At least this time Cloud was conscious, and Zack had the pleasure of being rewarded with a thin smile whenever he finished the job and returned to Cloud.

“Sorry that I can’t—can’t help,” Cloud mumbled when Zack came back from a particular fight. His voice was still shaky from moving so much. He was getting better at using his vocals after so long, though there was still the hint of a rasp.

“Don’t apologize,” Zack said firmly, hooking Cloud’s arm around his neck again to lift him from where he sat on the ground. “We’ll get you back up and running in no time! But for now… let me continue taking care of you.”

Cloud said nothing but let Zack half-haul him the rest of the way. There was a lot of stumbling and unsaid apologies, but they continued on.

There was the residential area closer to the church that they could've sought refuge in, but it was closer to Aerith's and thus ran the risk of potentially bumping into her. So they eventually made their way deeper into the heart of Sector 5, where there were more people and buildings to get lost in.

More people in one place meant more problems, which meant more jobs for a certain upcoming mercenary. Zack wouldn't have it any other way.

The buildings were built from scrap metal and leftover materials from the rubble that seemed to dominate the area. Most of the houses were stacked on one another, built wherever there was enough space. It created a slightly claustrophobic feel that stood in stark contrast to the clean, organized streets of upper-plate Midgar.

Zack was unfazed—he had seen some of the slums when he used to go sell flowers with Aerith. On the other hand, Cloud seemed mesmerized by the way the slums operated. Everywhere was noise, and in a way, it wasn’t so far from the usual city bustle. It was simply the setting and its people that differed.

“We’ll get to explore soon,” Zack grinned, noticing Cloud’s wide eyes. “We have to find some odd jobs, anyway. But first we have to look for a place to stay.”

“Odd jobs?” Cloud echoed.

“Yeah! We’re going to be mercenaries, me and you. How else will we get the money? I can barely do anything except pick up a sword and look cool.”

Cloud fell silent, probably to preserve his remaining energy, but he wore a small smile that said more than he needed. He must've been pleasantly surprised at being included in Zack’s plans.

They continued on. It would’ve been easier to find what they were looking for if Aerith had come—she knew the slums like the back of her hand. But there was no point in wishing, so Zack soldiered on through the streets. Sector 5 was practically built like a maze, and it didn’t help when he could feel Cloud growing more strained with every dragging step.

Finally, they found their destination closer to the outskirts of the area. The crumbled, browning brick-and-mortar building was more of a boarding house than an inn, with the roof consisting of pieces of metal overlapping in a way to replicate a shingle roof. Metal pipes ran across the length of it, and there was a wooden sign hammered on the side of the building with words so faded that Zack couldn’t read it.

“Do you think you can look, like, absolutely busted?” Zack asked as they neared the door, which was a large sheet of metal hinged to the doorframe.

Cloud blinked up blearily at him, shaking even as they stood still. “Huh?”

“Nevermind, you got it! Just act like you’re going to pass out any moment.”

Zack pushed open the metal door with a shoulder and made a beeline to the front counter, where a tired-looking woman was counting the little gil she had.

“Oh, dear,” she said, looking up with a startled expression. Zack had to practically drag them to the counter, as Cloud’s weight against him suddenly increased—either he must’ve been truly exhausted, he wanted to earn the woman’s sympathy in hopes of scoring a room, or both.

It was most likely both. Zack was very, very proud of him.

“My friend here really needs rest,” he explained as the woman stood up to inspect Cloud from the other side of the counter. “We, er, got ambushed by a bunch of monsters just outside the area and he got the brunt of it. Is this the inn?”

“Calling this an _inn_ is too kind,” the woman said. “But yes. I assume you both need a room?”

“Yes, please,” Zack smiled. Then, in a lower voice, “How much would it be? We don’t really have much on us, since we just came to Midgar—we’re mercenaries trying to get by.”

The woman shifted her feet. “Well, we _are_ a business… usually it’d be seventy gil a night.”

Zack could _definitely_ afford at least three days here, but he wanted to save up as much as possible. Part of that included a little shimmying around.

“Um,” he began, trying to come across as nervous. It must’ve worked, as the woman sighed and dug through the drawers behind her to take out a room key.

“I won’t charge you until you get back on your feet; then it’s forty gil a night,” she confirmed. “Can you cook?”

“A bit,” Zack said. He wondered if Cloud could; he vaguely remembered the cadet inviting him to try his mother’s cooking, back when they were assigned in Nibelheim.

“Then I’ll let you use the kitchen. You have to figure out groceries yourself, though.”

“Of course! Thank you!”

The woman nodded, satisfied. “There’s a lot of work to be done around these parts, and with that big sword of yours, I think you can handle a couple jobs. I know Ms. Folia at the Leaf House needs someone to fetch deliveries for the orphanage every now and then, plus there are a couple of monster hunts that need to get done. Anyway, your room’s at the end of the hall.”

“Thank you again,” Zack said.

They made it to their room. It was small and unremarkable, with two beds in either corner and a dresser in between. Above the dresser was a dirt-stained window, and Zack could hardly see through it considering the grime all over the glass.

 _Perfect_ , Zack thought happily. _At least we aren’t outside._

He set Cloud down one of the beds. To his surprise, the latter was completely asleep—he must’ve succumbed to his fatigue while Zack and the innkeeper hashed out the details. A rush of fondness warmed him as he took off Cloud’s single shoulder pauldron (they had lost the other while on the run, and Zack never bothered to find it since) and placed it on the dresser.

“You get some rest, buddy. You deserve it,” Zack said. “I’ll be back in a flash, okay? I’m gonna find some hunts to do, that’ll give us a nice start.”

Cloud continued to sleep, face twisted in a faint expression of pain. He must be nursing a headache, Zack supposed. Unable to help himself, he leaned down and ruffled Cloud’s hair, more gently than usual. Cloud’s face eventually evened out after a few seconds of stroking, and so he withdrew.

Zack rummaged around the dresser’s top drawers to find a notepad and a dull pencil. Ripping a page off, he wrote a quick note:

_Out hunting monsters and money. If you’re hungry, just talk to the lady at the front. She should help you._

_Don’t wear yourself out! I should be back before dark._

A heart and mini Buster sword was added at the end of his sentence for good measure. He then sketched a terrible, little drawing of himself standing on top of a heap of dead monsters, sword pointed to the sky in a victory pose.

* * *

It was just about sunset when Zack returned. He finished only one hunt, which was just a wererat infestation in an abandoned building that was too close to the area. It was an easy five hundred gil, and he used some of it to buy food and extra clothes. He was glad that everything was so cheap here.

He made sure to wash up before reuniting with Cloud. After a brief, cold shower in the inn’s washroom, he changed into a gray shirt and black pants. The Shinra-issued boots he kept. He gave his dirtied SOLDIER uniform to the innkeeper, telling her that he’d be back with Cloud’s. She took them without protest, promising to return them later in the night after washing.

Tucking his shoulder pauldrons and Shinra belt under one arm, Cloud’s clothes and the bag of food under the other, Zack made his way back to the room.

He opened the door to see Cloud still laying in bed, though he was awake and was staring listlessly at the ceiling. With a bit of fear, Zack said, “Cloud?”

Cloud startled out of his reverie, and Zack sighed with relief. For a second, he thought Cloud had fallen back into his catatonia.

“Hi,” the boy said, pushing himself to a sitting position with strained effort that didn’t go unnoticed. 

Zack didn’t point it out, though. Instead, he set his armor on the dresser and the plastic bag on the dresser, keeping Cloud’s clothes with him.

“Just meat skewers and stuff,” he explained. “I was kinda in the mood for Wutainese, but there’s not any. Oh well! We’ll make do. You should probably wash up before we eat. I got new clothes for us.”

“Okay,” Cloud said.

“Do you need some help?” Zack asked.

Cloud looked away, slightly shame-faced. He began to mumble something, but then realized his own quiet. Clearing his throat, he repeated dully, “A little, just—just to get there.”

“Of course,” Zack said. He went to Cloud’s side, extending a hand. Cloud hesitated a bit before taking it, unsteadily lifting himself off the bed.

It took some effort. Cloud was pretty stubborn, and he wished to use his own strength to make the trip to the bathroom. Zack acted more as a brace, his arm out in case Cloud ever needed to lean on him. He was glad whenever Cloud accepted the help after a bit of stumbling, and they made it to the bathroom without any falls.

“You’ll get your energy back,” Zack reassured him, handing him the set of clothes. “It takes some getting used to.”

Cloud nodded, his face grim with determination that looked more suited for a battle with firebombs rather than a shower.

“I’ll be waiting out here,” Zack said. “Towel and everything should be in there. Take your time.”

It took a while. With his mako-enhanced hearing, he could pick up some shuffling and hints of struggle, but Cloud never called for help and so Zack remained standing outside. He used this time to see if there were more patrons at the inn—from the distant sounds of conversation drifting through the halls, he figured there was at least one or two more people staying.

Cloud eventually came out, a towel around his shoulders to catch any drops of water that dripped from his hair. Zack found great delight in seeing how Cloud’s hair still somehow managed to retain some of its gravity-defying spikes.

He found even greater delight when Cloud picked at his shirt, giving him a pointed look. “Why?” was all Cloud said.

It was a white shirt with yellow chocobos walking in a straight line across the front. Zack had thought of Cloud in an instant when he saw that shirt at one of the stores.

“Because of your hair!” Zack exclaimed. He didn’t mess up Cloud’s head like he would, though, as it was wet and he didn’t want to suffer any of Cloud’s irritation.

Cloud simply sighed, tentatively running his hand through his bangs. “...I guess.”

“It looks nice on you!”

“Mm.”

With a wild grin, Zack guided Cloud back to their room. They sat on their respective beds to eat their small dinner, which went by without much conversation.

Zack knew Cloud was a quiet person, so he let it slide. It felt easier that way, to let things go unsaid between them—he knew Cloud needed time to think and figure out how to get used to his body again after so long in catatonia. There was a lot to catch up, and still plenty Zack didn’t know. He wanted to figure that out with Cloud, but at their own pace.

In the end, when everything was done for the night, Zack found himself perched on Cloud’s bed, sitting next to the other. 

“Mind if I sleep with you?” he asked quickly. “I, uh—it feels safer. I’ve spent so much time protecting you while we were on the run and I guess it just felt natural to keep you close and—”

Cloud interrupted. “I understand,” he said softly, with a shy smile. Zack’s shoulders sagged with relief.

“Nice,” he replied intelligently.

They would’ve slept in the same bed, but it was twin-sized and much too small for two young adults. He resolved to pushing the other bed right next to Cloud’s with the dresser shoved against the other corner.

It was late when they finally turned in. Zack kicked off his boots while Cloud took his off with a slower, more methodical approach. They curled up under the blankets, both of them lying on their backs with a few scant inches between them.

“Hey,” Cloud said after about ten minutes. Zack turned his head to face him, but the boy had his gaze up at the ceiling, his face shrouded in the darkness.

“Yeah?” Zack hummed.

“What was it like?”

Zack thought for a bit. There was a lot he wanted to say—at the same time, he didn’t feel like he had the words or energy to say it all. But Cloud deserved something, after all these years, and Zack would do his best to give him everything he needed.

“It was hard,” Zack started. “It was, like, us two against the world. I always wondered if we were gonna make it. Sometimes I had to fight my way through, and it’d be okay and it’d be worth it, but I’d get lost in the bigger picture. Sometimes it just felt overwhelming.”

Cloud drew out a shaky sigh. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey, it’s not your fault.” Zack shifted so that he was lying on his side, facing Cloud, who finally turned his head to meet his eyes. “I had you, at least.”

“I was as good as dead,” Cloud murmured.

“Don’t say that,” Zack said. “Without you, I would’ve lost my way. But I enjoyed looking after you; it reminded me that I wasn’t alone. You kept me determined to make a future. And you’re part of that future, you know. Don’t try to escape me now.”

Cloud didn’t respond, but there was a faint glimmer of hope in his eyes that Zack felt the desire to chase after.

After a while, Zack thought Cloud wasn’t going to say anything at all. He was about to call it a night before Cloud’s voice interrupted the stillness.

“I don’t remember much,” he said. “Just bits and pieces… it mostly hurts. But among the pieces is your voice. I can’t tell the exact details, but I remember just listening. And trying to reach out.”

Zack smiled. A weight lifted from his chest at those words—all this time, he had feared that Cloud was too far gone, that he never heard his attempts of conversation, at trying to make life on the run as normal and fun as possible. Now, he realized that there was nothing to worry about.

“I talked to you a lot while you were asleep,” Zack said, grinning at the memory of his antics. “It made things a bit easier to handle. Sometimes you’d blink, sometimes you’d make a sound. Now, you’re talking, and I just—”

He cut himself off, unable to continue. His throat felt tight, and his eyes pricked. “I’m just so glad you’re here,” he managed to say, his voice raspy with feeling.

Cloud slowly reached out, holding Zack’s wrist with a fragile grip. Easy enough to break away from if Zack ever wished.

“Thank you for saving me,” Cloud whispered.

Zack shut his eyes to prevent any tears. The past few months had been emotional for him, and his world felt like it had finally tipped over at the sight of Cloud’s half-shut blue eyes, seeing and clear.

“We’re friends, right?” Zack found himself asking.

Cloud’s reply was to close his fingers around Zack’s hand, a gesture complete with a smile. His hand was warm, unlike the times when Zack had to keep Cloud’s cold, unresponsive body close in order to prevent him from freezing.

Thankfully, Cloud was warm again. He was warm when Zack woke up the next morning as well, finding himself still holding onto Cloud’s hand. He sleepily pressed a thumb to his wrist, calming himself back to sleep under the guidance of a steady heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I MISS THEM WAAHHH


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for your lovely comments!! they were so sweet, i read every single one of them and can't thank everyone enough. i'll do my very best to finish this fic for you guys <3

It wasn’t hard to find work. It took a little bit of asking around, but people were always more than happy to offer them jobs.

It also helped that Zack had been able to steal a bunch of materia when he first broke out of Nibelheim way back when. The extra materia they didn’t need was sold, which added to their growing sums over the two months they stayed in Sector 5.

There were the monsters that always required some clearing in the slums. Whenever they couldn’t find enough jobs, they’d fall back on the monster hunts that the neighborhood watch always needed assistance with.

The hunts were always a good way to train Cloud, too. The moment Zack had enough gil, he managed to find a sword suitable for his tastes in one of the sector’s weapon stores.

It was a three-materia iron blade, more elongated and narrow than Zack’s own Buster sword. Cloud’s face broke into both wonder and distress when Zack showed up with the new weapon.

“I-I can’t,” Cloud had stammered, but upon Zack’s insistence he held the blade flat in his hands. His arms shook slightly underneath the heavy weight.

“What do you mean? We’re mercs, we fight!”

“I don’t know how to—I’m an infantryman—”

“Cloud, we’re past that, remember? Besides, I can teach you! I’ve been dying for a sparring partner.”

And under Zack’s encouraging smile, Cloud finally relented with an excited grin of his own.

“I mean… I guess it looks cool.”

“You _guess_? That thing cost me a thousand gil!”

Cloud had laughed. “Thank you,” he said, his voice colored with all of the emotion he wasn’t able to bring into existence with just mere words. “Really, it’s amazing. I appreciate it, Zack.”

They always wore their SOLDIER uniforms when they worked the monster hunts; it was easier to carry their swords around due to the magnets on their back suspenders. But fighting monsters wasn’t the only job they signed up for.

Sometimes, they were delivery men. As much as Zack liked to wield his sword and slash around, his favorite days were when they were as close to normal as possible. It would just be them two picking their way through the sprawling maze that was Sector 5, handling deliveries and exploring at the same time. That was when Cloud was most at ease, dressed in civilian clothing and following Zack wherever he went.

There were always people in need of their service. It’d range from requiring them to haul back construction material from neighboring Sectors for builders who were endlessly improving Sector 8’s structures, to delivering medicine from the pharmacy to sick people’s homes. 

Once, Zack and Cloud had to round up a dozen hyper kids who were out playing in the streets, bringing them back to the Leaf House orphanage where an irritated Ms. Folia waited. It took hours and the day had been scalding, but even in his annoyance Zack would never forget the way Cloud handled the kids—it was with a cautious smile, as if he didn’t know how to act with the children, but it was a smile that brightened when he looked over to see Zack balancing two ecstatic girls on both shoulders.

Seeing the kids was always a reward, on top of the food packages that Ms. Folia always gave them as a sign of gratitude for helping the orphanage. Zack adored them all and found particular amusement in the kid obsessed with moogles. 

He was also very proud with the fact that they were completely enchanted with him. One of the girls, Roslyn, always demanded him to carry her on his shoulder. She’d marvel at his huge sword and ask him shyly if he would be her prince, her hero. He’d say yes, of course. He always would.

“I want to be a hero like you, Mr. Zack!” one of the kids would say, and Cloud would chime in a playful “Me too, _Mr. Zack_ ”. 

That earned both of them head ruffles, and Cloud’s was particularly merciless. For all the times Cloud ducked away and complained, his smile never faded.

Cloud. He filled his days. Zack rarely knew peace, even before Nibelheim—he was always called to different missions, pulling him away from Aerith before he could even sit back and relax with her. His ‘vacation’ at Costa del Sol felt the opposite. If there hadn’t been any time to relax before his capture, there surely wasn’t any when he was on the run.

But now, with the threat of Shinra mostly gone, Zack was able to let go. He found peace in the time he spent with Cloud—whether it be when they were fulfilling their mercenary jobs or sitting at one of the sector’s many food stalls, Zack felt most at ease when witnessing the way Cloud grew more confident, more sure of his voice and thoughts and role in Zack’s life.

Even at their most difficult days, it felt manageable. When Cloud was feeling particularly exhausted, plagued by more headaches than usual, Zack found the routine of taking care of Cloud soothing.

But Cloud’s memories were one thing that Zack didn’t know how to handle. He didn’t want to force them, or else that would make Cloud hurt more. Even so, he couldn’t bear to see Cloud going through it all.

They’d have little sessions every once in a while. “What do you remember?” Zack would ask. Cloud would reply as best he could: that he was an infantryman, he was captured, the mako reactor, Sephiroth. It helped that Cloud already remembered most of the burning of Nibelheim—Zack wouldn’t have been able to describe it all over again, especially to someone who had grown up there.

They’d stay up, Cloud piecing together stray fragments of his mind while Zack slung a comforting shoulder around him.

“I remember you talking to me when we were running,” Cloud said one particular night. They were sitting outside the inn, wiping down their swords. “You talked about both of us traveling the world after getting money in Midgar. I think it was one of the more lucid days.”

Zack grinned, flicking his wet rag at Cloud. “Yeah?”

“Mhm. You mentioned the Golden Saucer. How you wanted to try that G-bike game people always talk about, and the chocobo races.”

“I did, huh. I didn’t even remember that."

Cloud smiled one of his more genuine smiles. “And then you talked about visiting Icicle Inn.”

“Now _that_ I remember! Something about how we’d beat everyone in a snowboarding race, drink hot chocolate every day.”

“Let’s do that someday, when we have enough saved,” Cloud said.

“I bet you’d look real cute in all that winter clothes. Get you layered with dozens of jackets and roll you down the hill like a barrel. You’d still probably win the race.”

Cloud ducked his head, half-scowling, while Zack laughed and knocked their shoulders together.

* * *

He found traces of Aerith here and there. They filled the vases in a few shops, and he once saw a small bouquet of white lilies on the front desk of the inn. The Leaf House itself was always decorated with flowers that he recognized from what felt like a past life.

It was only a matter of time until he grew restless. Seeing flowers throughout Sector 5 only made him miss Aerith even more, to the point where he had been particularly sulky after listening to Ms. Folia gush about Aerith’s generosity when they dropped off a delivery. Cloud had to intervene.

“You _have_ to see her,” he said on their way back to the boarding house.

Zack gave him a look. “Uh,” was all he said.

Cloud crossed his arms. “It’s inevitable, Zack,” he continued. “Everyone here knows her. I’m surprised she hasn’t found out and hunted you down yet.”

“I know, right? Especially when people are talking about how good us mercs are!” Zack said triumphantly, slinging an arm around Cloud’s neck.

Cloud nudged him away with an exasperated smile. “Don’t change the subject.”

“I’m just sayin’. Think we can expand our business?”

“You can expand our business all the way to the Sector 5 church,” Cloud replied.

At that point, they reached the inn. Zack pouted at the sass and almost locked Cloud out of their room, but thought better of it.

In the privacy of the bedroom, Zack’s attitude deflated. Cloud noticed this change in demeanor and sat on the bed, patiently waiting as the other began pacing the room in agitation.

“It’s just…” Zack rubbed the back of his neck. “I have no idea what she’s going to say. It won’t be anything like the happy reunion I’ve always thought it’d be.”

“Aerith would forgive you,” Cloud said. “I mean, from what you’ve told me, she seems understanding.”

“Yeah, she is. But it still doesn’t change the fact that I went silent for years without her knowing. And now suddenly I show up again? How would that work?”

The blonde shrugged. “None of it was your fault,” he pointed out. “At least you have that. And there’s no point in wondering when you can just… _go_. Go see her, listen to what she has to say. I know how much you want to."

Zack grinned. When had Cloud become the more reasonable one? _Zack_ was supposed to fill that role.

“I guess it’s about that time,” he decided at last.

“Finally.”

“Hey, watch it!” Zack laughed. “I also didn’t want to go because I had _you_ to focus on!”

Cloud frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well, I wasn’t just going to leave my buddy behind, was I? Making sure you’d get back on your feet was above everything else.”

Cloud averted his eyes, a habit that Zack noticed happen every time Cloud was feeling particularly shy. It was somewhat an endearing sight, and Zack couldn’t help but lean down from where he stood to ruffle his hair.

“You’re still first priority, y’know,” he added. “Good luck getting rid of me.”

Finally, Cloud allowed a small smile. “Never,” he said, swatting Zack’s hand away. “You dragged me all the way to Midgar, after all.”

“Dragged you?” Zack exclaimed, feigning an aghast expression. “I _saved_ you, Spike!”

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Cloud shot back, and Zack surrendered by putting his hands in the air, though not without a cutting grin.

“You got it, captain.”

* * *

Zack rehearsed what he wanted to say on his way to the church.

_Hey, sorry for not trying harder to contact you. I was on a big power company’s shit list. Did you know I was experimented on? And that I found my hometown destroyed?_

_Hey, sorry for disappearing. I know it was hard on you. I’ll do better, I promise. I was your bodyguard, after all._

_Sorry for not being there to sell the flowers with you_.

The church building suddenly loomed over him, much to Zack’s surprise. He really must’ve been deep in thought to notice how fast he had been walking. Hardly any monsters were lurking around, too.

Lucky him.

With a deep breath, Zack walked in. The sweet fragrance of flowers floated toward him in greeting, as well as the sight of the young woman crouched at the garden ahead, her back facing him.

Aerith was dressed differently—she no longer wore the light blue dress that Zack remembered. Instead, it was pink, flowing around her ankles as she got up to brush the front of her dress. The red of her jacket caught his eye.

He was glad that she still wore the pink ribbon in her hair. Seeing it gave him the determination to take a step forward. She heard the sound of his boot scuffling the floor.

“I know you love taking care of the flowers with me, but you shouldn’t be late to Ms. Folia’s lessons,” Aerith said, still turned away. She was studying her flowers from a higher point of view, hands on her hips as she looked.

Her voice, so light and airy and everything that he remembered, was what made Zack speak.

“Hey, Aerith,” he said.

With a jerk, the girl turned sharply, her braid whipping around in the wake of the sudden movement. Her green eyes, so bright even from where he stood, widened with shock. 

“Zack?” she echoed in disbelief. “ _Zack_?”

“That’s me,” he said, smiling sheepishly. “Uh, I’m sor—”

She leaped to him, and suddenly there were arms around his neck, pulling him down to his knees. The scent of flowers filled Zack’s senses, and he found himself beginning to cry as Aerith kept holding him.

They were still sitting on the floor after a while, hugging each other so tightly like one of them was about to leave again.

“Zack,” she gasped, pulling away for a second to wipe her face, “You’re really here, aren’t you?”

He smiled at her, though it felt wobbly through his own tears. “Not used to it?” he asked.

“That’s really what you say after all this—oh, _you_!” 

Resting her head on his shoulder, she hit her fist against his chest repeatedly. The action was harmless and had no real heat behind it—she was too busy trying to hold back tears, beaming wildly as she held him.

Zack laughed as she slowly ceased hitting his chest, head tilted back as he let the light feeling fill his chest, keeping him afloat. 

Aerith gazed at him with exasperated fondness, but eventually her mirth receded as she asked softly, “Where have you been all these four years?”

He loosened his grip on her arms, shaking his head. “Man, where do I even start?” he said, distantly surprised at how choked his voice was.

“Zack…” 

She reached out and swept any unbidden tears from Zack’s cheeks with her thumbs. The feeling soothed him, and he fell quiet against the sound of her soft humming and gentle touches.

Soon, he felt better enough to look up at her. Her smile was warm and encouraging, everything that the past few months had lacked and he longed after in return.

“It’s a whole mess,” he told her, the words coming out slowly like he didn’t want to think about what had happened. “I was assigned to Nibelheim with Sephiroth to eliminate a monster outbreak that was from a mako reactor malfunction. Everything was going pretty okay until…”

Zack mentioned Sephiroth’s unraveling: how the general had locked himself in the basement of Shinra Manor before he set the town on fire, how he had tried to defeat him, only to be defeated himself. He recalled what he said to Cloud as the infantryman stumbled his way through the mess—“Cloud, finish Sephiroth off!”—before he blacked out from his wounds.

He explained how he discovered he was being experimented on, subject to severe mako that he thankfully came out of relatively unscathed due to previous exposure as a SOLDIER. 

Aerith’s face shifted to sadness when she heard about that part, but she continued to listen quietly. Every so often, she ran her hand through Zack’s hair, easing him to continue when he suddenly stopped.

Zack managed to recount his experience of breaking out of Nibelheim and running away; he added how he would have contacted her if it weren’t for Shinra taking his belongings when they first captured him. 

Finally, his thoughts landed on Cloud, and it only felt natural to tell her about his friend as well.

“He had bad mako poisoning,” he said. “ _Bad_ , Aerith. I couldn’t just leave him there. I would’ve gone straight to see you when I reached Midgar, but I had him to look after. That’s why it took so long for me to finally visit you once we got here. But don’t get me wrong, Cloud’s great. We’re mercs now, Aerith! It’s really fun.”

Aerith smiled at his infectious happiness, a relief to see after he had explained the Nibelheim incident and everything that followed with overwhelming sadness. 

“I think I’ve heard about some new mercs in town, though I never looked myself,” she said. “I’m so glad you’re settling, then! But I have to ask, how long have you been in Sector 5?”

Zack hung his head sheepishly. “About, uh, two months now.”

“And you haven’t even bothered to see me—”

“I was scared!” Zack wailed. “You pack a mean punch when you’re mad! Dunk me in a tube full of mako again and I _still_ won’t forget the time I let you beat up that gorger with your staff.”

“I guess you’re right. I have a new one now, it packs a meaner punch,” Aerith giggled, eyes sparkling with amusement. 

Then she quickly grew somber. “You know, I was pretty hung up over you for a while.”

“...I know.”

“I got bitter, even. Mom was pretty mad, too,” she continued. “Saying stuff like how you hurt me and all that. She told me not to talk to any more SOLDIERs.”

Zack’s guilt intensified. “I know.”

Aerith smiled. “Though mostly I was sad. Over time, I managed to get over it. I made some new friends over the years, but I never forgot you. I missed you, Zack.”

He smiled back, opening his arms for another hug, which she received happily. “I know.”

“I’ll have you also know that Tseng was worried, too. He tried to hide it and was pretty good at it, but in the first year he admitted that there was trouble at Shinra. I didn’t really know at the time, but… I figured it might’ve been you, since you hadn’t returned when you were supposed to.”

“Tseng?” Zack asked, perking up. He wondered how the Turk grew over the past four years. He was deeply touched at Tseng’s concern for him; their past interactions seemed more as if the Turk was more exasperated with his antics than fond. Though it was probably a mix of both. 

Oh, how Zack couldn’t wait to see him again. And Cissnei, too, he remembered with a startle. He hoped they were doing well.

“Your friend Kunsel tried to contact me a few times, too,” Aerith added. “He never told me anything, just how he had a suspicion about your disappearance. He was a very nice person, had a lot of stories about you.”

“Did he make me look good?”

“I’ll let you decide that once you see him again.”

“I will,” Zack promised, excited at the thought. “Kunsel and I haven’t had a squat-off in years!”

They fell silent after a shared laugh, and then Aerith stood up. She lent a hand and helped him up to his feet before they walked closer to the flower garden where they sat underneath the patch of light.

The afternoon sunshine felt good on Zack’s skin, warming him beyond the happiness he felt. It was a bubbly feeling, and it increased when his gaze fell upon Aerith, who caught his look.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said, grinning with a surprising amount of sadness. She shifted her gaze away back to her flowers, gauging their health by running her fingers along the stems. “It’s been a long time, you know.”

Somehow, Zack knew what she was trying to hint at. To his surprise, he didn’t feel any disappointment—just a simple contentment that softened his world around the edges after so long of running jagged and scathed.

He was just glad that Aerith was safe and happy. He didn’t know who to trust, and it was a relief to fall back on someone who he had devoted a large part of his life and still would.

“Who’s the lucky person?” he teased.

Aerith smiled gratefully at him, not even hiding the way her cheeks started to redden. “I’ll introduce you to her soon,” she said. “But I want to hear about Cloud.”

“What, not even a name? Scared I’ll run ‘em off?”

She gave him a look. “Fine. Maybe you’ve heard of her, she runs a popular bar in Sector 7. Her name is Tifa and she’s probably got bigger biceps than you.”

 _Tifa_. The name was familiar. Zack thought of unforgiving mountains and the stench of mako and the clash of metal. He thought of a country girl kneeling beside her dead father, her furious screams directed at him.

“Maybe I caught her name once or twice,” he said.

“Funny, I think she was from Nibelheim.” Aerith gave him a searching look. “She never talks about it but she mentioned it once. Maybe you might’ve bumped into her.”

Zack’s expression was clearly guilty as he shook his head. “All I can say is that, if you _do_ introduce me to her, she’d probably kick me out of the sector,” he said.

“Zack, what did you do?”

“Nothing,” he said. And he meant it—he regretted his inability to do anything. It left Nibelheim and its people destroyed, Sephiroth dead, and Cloud still barely recovering.

Aerith continued looking at him, her eyes flitting across his face in search of an answer. Zack had his gaze averted, betraying nothing but sorrow.

“We’ll take our time,” Aerith finally said after a while. “I won’t introduce you until you’re ready. I’ll have to let her know, too. I can’t hide anything from her. We’re…” She trailed off.

“No, I understand,” he answered honestly.

“Heh. Thanks, Zack.”

He knew he was probably going to have to confront Tifa at some point. They lived in the same city, and she supposedly had a thing with Aerith. 

She was also connected to Cloud; he remembered the day Sephiroth lost control, when Cloud had come to seek vengeance for the burning of Nibelheim. He had gone to an unconscious Tifa first, and it was then when Zack realized they shared a deeper history than he thought.

He’d never forget her words—how she hated SOLDIER, hated Shinra. Hated him.

“I mean, she knows that I’ve been with a SOLDIER a long time ago,” Aerith said, interrupting his thoughts. “She’ll probably recognize your name if I just mentioned it. I won’t say anything else, though.”

“Yeah. It’s probably up to me to do the explaining,” Zack said. “Not there’s anything to explain. What happened, well, _happened_. No use denying it.”

They lapsed into silence, though it felt more comfortable than the previous topic. Nevertheless, he felt a cool sensation of relief when Aerith asked, “So, Cloud?”

Zack eyed her suspiciously. “What about him?”

“Is he cute?”

“Aerith!”

“I’m kidding! Really, how is he? I’m dying to know about him. _Cloud_. What a cute name!”

Zack found himself smiling at the thought of his friend. “He’s doing better,” he said. “These months really helped him recover. He’s becoming more like his old self—shy, quiet, but he’s kinda like you where he doesn’t hold back from saying whatever. I think you’d like him. I know I’ve talked about you before.”

“Nice things about me, I hope!”

“Only nice things,” Zack promised. “Maybe we should all go sell flowers again. Tifa can come along too.”

Aerith’s green eyes lit up, bright as mako and hardly as sinister. “That sounds nice. What’s the thing you always say, about flowers in Midgar or…?”

To his surprise, the familiar phrase slipped from his mouth easily, and with it brought sweet memories. “Midgar full of flowers, wallet full of money!” he laughed. The flowers before them waved their petals as if in agreement.

It grew dark eventually; Zack hadn’t realized how much time had passed while he caught up with Aerith. She was also sad to see him go, but he promised to visit her as often as he could even with the growing list of merc jobs.

“Here,” she said before Zack could exit the church. She pressed two flowers in his hands, one white and one yellow. “For you and Cloud. A little something to brighten up wherever you’re staying!”

Zack, overcome by a sense of affection and gratitude, leaned down to give her a chaste kiss on her forehead. She giggled and pushed him out of the church entrance, where he caught himself from stumbling down the steps behind him.

“Don’t disappear on me, now!” she said, waving. “And bring Cloud next time, I want to meet him!”

He saluted her and went on his way home, cradling the flowers against his chest.

* * *

It was late at night when Zack finally returned to the residential area. He had taken the long way home, wanting to mull over his conversation with Aerith and think about what to do next.

Cloud had been sleeping when Zack finally returned. The younger man was recovering well, but he still grew exhausted quickly and required tons of rest.

“Sorry,” Zack muttered as he tiptoed through the darkness, not wanting to wake the other up by turning on the lights. Besides, he had his enhanced vision to help, as well as the weak moonlight that filtered through the window.

Nevertheless, Cloud had stirred. He lifted his head from the pillows, half-closed blue eyes emitting the trademark mako glow. It made Zack sad sometimes to see that glow, but then he was reminded that they were lucky enough to make it out alive.

Zack began changing into more comfortable clothes. Thankfully, Cloud was awake enough to get the idea and turned to face the wall, though not without squeaking out an apology.

Zack finished and climbed into bed, leaving slight space between them. They were still unsure of their boundaries—sometimes they’d wake up holding each other out of instinct, but nothing else really happened in the night.

It was still comfortable, though, so the subject was never brought up. Zack would probably have to separate their adjoined beds and sleep on his own again, but for now he was comforted in knowing that Cloud was safe right beside him.

“How was it?” Cloud asked sleepily. He was still facing the wall and seemed to curl in on himself with the blanket.

That was fine by Zack. It would be easier to talk if he didn’t have to stare at those blue eyes.

“It was good, actually,” he said. “She gave us flowers. I put them on the dresser. We’re probably going to go vase-hunting tomorrow.”

Cloud slowly sat up. “Flowers?” he asked curiously.

“Yeah! Here.” Zack reached to grab the white one from the dresser, handing it to Cloud.

The boy looked pleasantly surprised. He rolled it by the stem with his fingers, studying each petal.

“Pretty,” Cloud said softly. He returned it to Zack, eyes lingering on him, though the older man didn’t notice as he put it back on the dresser.

“Right? We can have more whenever we want! Aerith loves giving them to people,” Zack laughed. “Speaking of which, she said she really wants to meet you.”

“Really?” Cloud blinked, laying back down. Zack gave him some of his side of the blanket.

“Why not? It’s my two of my closest friends meeting each other. Double the friends!”

“I’d like that.”

“It doesn’t have to be anytime soon, though,” Zack added, poking Cloud’s shoulder. “We still gotta focus on your fighting. You’re doing better, though.”

“Yeah. I am,” Cloud said, looking pleasantly surprised at the thought. An uncertain smile crept on his face; Zack’s chest warmed at the sight.

“Just let me know when you want to see Aerith, and I’ll drop everything to take you there. It’s a pretty long walk to the church.”

Cloud hummed his agreement. It was comfortably quiet, the incessant hum of the mako reactors enough to encourage Zack’s fatigue. Even after all those years of being away from Midgar, he had already grown used to it as background noise.

He was stirred awake by Cloud’s voice, which was quieter than usual. Zack turned his head to see Cloud’s face—or the lack thereof, since the blonde was hiding the lower part of it with his blanket.

“Can’t hear you, buddy,” Zack yawned, stretching his arms before folding his hands under his head.

“Sorry.” Cloud removed the blanket, though reluctantly so. “I was just… weren’t you and Aerith together once? You’ve mentioned it, I think.”

Zack found it slightly odd that Cloud brought their past up. It was such a long time ago that Zack never really thought much about it anymore. True, he had thought there was the possibility of getting together once he reunited with Aerith, but that changed when she mentioned otherwise.

“Well, yeah, _once_. But that was literal years ago,” Zack replied. “Besides, I think she’s with someone right now, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Oh.” Cloud sounded somewhat forlorn.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s okay if you want to spend more time with Aerith,” Cloud murmured. “I know it’s been forever since you properly caught up with her. I’m just taking up your time—”

Zack sat up immediately. “Cloud!”

The younger man winced at Zack’s incredulous tone. He turned away, blue eyes forced shut almost as if he was pretending to sleep, but it was a futile attempt when Zack gently shook his shoulder enough times to get him to sit up with him.

“Cloud, buddy,” Zack said, smiling softly at him. “You’re being dumb.”

Cloud blinked at him, and then scoffed. “Says you.”

“Okay, ouch. But listen—I _did_ miss her, and yeah, I want to be with her to make up for lost time, but not like _that_. Plus, I’ve spent five years with you. None of that is going away. You and I have history and I wouldn’t trade that for anything in the world."

The younger man sighed, wringing his hands together. “I know that,” he muttered. “Really, I do… it’s just that, for some reason, it’s hard to believe sometimes. It’s not that I don’t believe you, because I do. But my mind tells me that everything is false and I’m just wasting my time. And I don’t think that’s the mako talking to me. It’s just—just me.”

Zack rubbed Cloud’s arm while the latter leaned against Zack’s shoulder. They stayed like that, as quiet as the darkness swarming around them, until Zack decided to say something.

“I wouldn’t have chosen anybody else to live this new life with me,” he said. “Everything aside, I still would’ve wanted it to be you by my side. I don’t take back any of our time together, from when we first met at Modeoheim to now.”

Cloud nodded slowly, eyes fluttering shut as Zack continued to rub his arm soothingly.

“Like, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second if it were between my life or yours,” he added. It was a somber thought, but the gravity of it felt important. “If they had ever caught us, I would give my life up for you in a heartbeat.”

“Don’t say that,” Cloud choked out.

“I know, I know,” Zack said quickly. “Probably the wrong thing to say. But I mean what I said, Cloud. You’re really, really important to me. Remember that, okay?”

Cloud cracked a smile. It barely touched the happiness he possessed any other day, but for some reason it felt even more significant. It felt so when Cloud turned his head to fully rest it in the crook of Zack’s neck. He gripped Zack’s shirt as if it were his lifeline.

“Got it memorized,” Cloud mumbled, and Zack’s entire body relaxed. He felt like he could breathe again. He held Cloud as tightly as he had when he first broke him out of that mako tank, perhaps even more so.

Unable to say anything else in this moment of vulnerability, Zack said, “Good.”

Eventually, they grew tired. They began to lay back down, Zack knocking out the moment his head hit the pillow, but not before making sure Cloud had enough blankets on his side of the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact i rewatched the crisis core ending and cried really hard
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/baiambgarden)


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this chapter took longer, i was so caught up w finishing the remake. plus i found myself missing ff8 and spent a lot of time replaying that, which only took me longer to finish this bc i spent nights crying about both games. im STILL not over ff8. basically its been a very tiring, emotional month
> 
> anyways enjoy the chapter and forget that i procrastinated on my own fic!!

Zack introduced them at the church not too long after he reunited with her. “You’re acting as if you’re going on a first date,” he had laughed when Cloud showed signs of hesitation, even as he dragged the blonde up the stone steps.

“I just want to make a good first impression,” Cloud had argued back. “She’s—she’s your friend, after all.

“Aw, you’re so precious, Spike!”

“Stop that,” Cloud groused, but he let Zack take him by the wrist to pull him through the entrance. He practically expected it at this point; Zack always tended to grab Cloud’s closest body part, usually his arm, to tug him towards wherever his attention lied. Puppy behavior, Cloud always thought with amusement.

In the end, Aerith was sweet to him. It was something Cloud still had trouble getting used to, especially when Zack was also part of the equation.

He found that he didn’t mind it. She was like Zack, where she teased and laughed and smiled to no end. With her easygoing attitude, he felt like he’d known her forever—no wonder why Zack was so fond of her.

Cloud grew equally as fond of her over the next few weeks. She was kind and persistent, though she never asked him what happened, which he figured was because she heard it all from Zack. Nonetheless, she never focused on his past, and instead invited him into her life with the same openness she had shown Zack.

It was heartwarming. It felt like home, maybe.

Especially when the church was practically the most peaceful place he’s ever been, besides the inn at night when he and Zack would be talking and falling asleep at the same time.

Everything felt blessed and _holy_ , in the way the light shone through the roof and warmed the entire building with its rays, him included. Whereas the outside world ran rampant with endless bustle, the church was a sanctuary where Cloud could sit back and enjoy the time he had been given.

He’d also accompany Aerith while she went delivering flowers to the people of Sector 5. “My other bodyguard!” she would tell them proudly, nudging his arm with a grin. Cloud would smile bashfully and duck his head, twiddling with the handle of the wicker basket full of hydrangeas and poppies.

He learned flowers from her in contrast to Zack, who admittedly was better at being company than he was at helping with the garden, something the other two still appreciated. He’d still help, but there were times when he’d get _too_ invested in conversation and stop work altogether. Neither of them never minded—they enjoyed listening to him after years of being unable to.

Cloud, though, was still figuring out how to live with his headaches and occasional lethargy, so Aerith suggested the idea of him helping her whenever he had those bad days while Zack would do the rest of the day’s tougher merc jobs.

Zack had been ecstatic of the idea, of course. “You two can become Sector 5’s dynamic duo!” he’d said.

“You’re being silly,” Aerith replied affectionately. “Besides, that title’s been taken by you and Cloud now."

They eventually met Elmyra, who Zack apologized to profusely for abandoning her daughter like that while Aerith laughed beside him. Cloud was shyer, preferring to hang in the back and venture upstairs to explore while Zack caught up with Aerith’s mother for the better part of the day. He was more than happy to finally step outside of the house to look at the various gardens that decorated the property.

It was more flowers than he’d seen in his whole life—Nibelheim didn’t get the luxury of having soil fertile for flowers, but it was enough to sustain crops. His hometown was everything practical, which was why Cloud found himself drawn to the heaps of warmth and love that Aerith’s home exuberated.

“Like what you see?”

Aerith’s voice lingered from behind. Cloud turned around, not at all surprised with her sudden appearance as he had heard her footsteps. That was one thing he had mako to thank, he supposed.

“How long did all of this take?” he asked, gesturing to the wide expanse of gardens before them.

“Not too long,” Aerith replied, already walking away to tend to a particular one full of tulips. “It’s not so bad. Just requires some love and care, and ta-da! Flowers in Midgar. I go up the plate to sell some when I have the time. You should come—oh, nevermind.”

Cloud looked away. “Yeah,” he said awkwardly.

He probably wouldn’t be able to go topside for a while. The risk of being recognized by Shinra was too great. Still, he teased the idea and imagined being back in the city, arm-in-arm with Aerith as they sold flowers. Well, Aerith would do most of the selling; he’d only be there to stop her from running the whole city.

“Sorry about that,” Aerith said, sounding deeply apologetic. “It’ll get better soon. Hopefully.” 

She held out a hand and Cloud took it. She led him up the columns of rocks that paved the way to a garden nestled farther away from the house, this one sporting mixed stalks of blush lavender and lilacs.

“It’s okay,” he said after realizing that he’d fallen quiet after Aerith’s apology. That probably made him look bad.

“Man, you don’t talk at all compared to Zack,” Aerith laughed.

Cloud’s cheeks flushed, feeling somewhat guilty. “Sorry, I—”

“Don’t apologize! I didn’t mean anything by it!” She swooped in immediately, curling her arms around his sides and giving him a loose hug from the side. Cloud relaxed instantly, surprised at his own willingness to someone he’d known for only less than a month. But then again, it was Aerith he was talking about.

“Really, don’t feel bad. I’m honestly glad you’re—well, _you_. Sure, he has his quiet moments, but that boy can talk for days.” A hint of fondness crept into her voice, matching the fondness Cloud himself felt bloom in his chest when he thought of Zack. “You make him quiet, I think.”

“What do you mean?” Cloud asked, daring to lift his eyes to meet Aerith’s green ones. They resembled the flowers around them: dazzling under the sun, brimming with life.

Aerith’s arms fell from where they were circling around Cloud. She shrugged, though the seemingly uncertain gesture was contrasted by her smile.

“I don’t know. You slow him down when he gets ahead of himself. And he’s the same with you, except he reminds you to not be afraid of falling behind or something,” she adds with a light nudge to his ribs. “You two feel complete, in a way. Two already complete people becoming more complete. Sorry, that didn't make much sense, but trust me.”

“I guess I can see that.” A bit of pride welled up at the thought. It always felt good to belong at someone’s side, especially if it was Zack.

“Enough about him, though! Let’s go pick some flowers while my mom’s busy being charmed by him.”

“More like she’s putting up with the guy,” Cloud said dryly.

“He thinks both are the same thing,” Aerith scoffed, and Cloud allowed the rest of the tension to ebb from his shoulders with the release of a short laugh. Aerith beamed at that as she led him deeper into the gardens, instructing him to pick any flower he liked the most.

The task was simple but soothing. Cloud could let his mind run elsewhere while his hands methodically searched for the blooming flowers versus the ones still growing. If this place had a song to it, he’d think of a piano.

Which made him think of the broken piano back in the church. Cloud wondered if he would be able to play it after fixing it; he vaguely remembered there being a piano _somewhere_ in his childhood in Nibelheim, though whose piano he forgot entirely. It didn’t matter.

Maybe fixing the church’s piano could be his next big task, his personal project that he’d have the opportunity to control himself. He’d have to figure out how to rework any broken keys, as well as the piano’s anatomy considering how there were parts of the frame that were destroyed. 

It’d take some time, but it was a sort of commitment Cloud desired. He wondered if Aerith could sing. If he somehow learned to play piano and she could sing—

For now, though, her voice was soft and melodic enough to be a song itself. So Cloud let himself sink into the notes, humming along as Aerith continued making conversation, her voice light enough that it floated up to the Midgar sky. He could feel his mind go quiet at the sound, what once were pervasive thoughts tucking themselves into a comfortable slumber as Aerith talked.

“The kids themselves decorate the orphanage, so it doesn’t really matter what you pick. Just make sure whatever you choose is pretty. Who doesn’t like a pop of color in the slums? I’ve found that it can brighten up anyone’s day.”

* * *

“I picked these for—us,” Cloud said. His eyes widened slightly at the realization of having almost said "you".

Zack, never one to let anything go unnoticed, gave him a curious look at the strange pause, but he brushed it aside in favor of looking at the small bouquet.

“Thanks!” Zack exclaimed, taking the flowers and studying them from different angles. “You’ve got an eye for this kinda thing, Spike.”

The praise pleased Cloud greatly, but he kept a firm air of modesty. As much as he wanted to, he was _not_ going to falter under Zack’s appreciative gaze. “Just something to brighten up the place.”

“Really, that’s so thoughtful. I don’t deserve you!”

Zack threw an arm around Cloud’s shoulder, tugging him closer in a tight side-hug as he began talking about ways to further decorate their room beyond just flowers. It was a habit of his that Cloud came to notice, the way Zack liked to be physical as a way to ground himself. Cloud simply listened, nodding and chuckling at certain parts of the conversation.

Really, though, he was busy with just _being there_. Alive enough to be able to feel how warm Zack was, pressed against his side; to hear Zack and his lively voice that always softened whenever Cloud’s name arose.

He’d never felt the sweetness of merely existing as he did at that moment.

“Imagine getting a jukebox like we see in those stores,” Zack was saying, as Cloud returned from his thoughts. “We’d be set! Sure, we could get a radio, but jukeboxes got this certain charm. They’re not too expensive, I don’t think, and people around here like me enough. I’m certain we could haggle…”

And he continued talking, keeping Cloud right next to him in the meantime even when there was hardly any reason anymore. It made Cloud grin despite himself, and he leaned against Zack’s side and let himself breathe.

 _“You two feel complete, in a way._ ”

_I guess we do, Aerith._

“I like the chocobo song,” Cloud finally said, figuring Zack was simply going to stop the conversation once noticing that Cloud hadn’t said anything in a while. “We should get a music disc of that for the jukebox.”

He felt entranced by the rumble thrumming through Zack’s chest as the man laughed. “You remember how it goes?”

“Well, I hear it sometimes around town. And it’s really catchy, doesn’t take a lot to remember it.”

“As long as you don’t play it at some ungodly hour when I’m trying to sleep, I’m fine with that.” Zack’s eyes grew squinty when he smiled, an endearing look that Cloud wished he could take a picture of. A framed photo of that would look nice for the room.

“I think I’ll do just that,” Cloud decided.

“I think I’ll kick you out then.”

“Too late,” Cloud said, feeling ridiculously happy as their banter unfolded. He couldn’t stop a smile from spreading on his own face. “I’m already here.”

He had expected a joking response, so he was openly surprised when Zack took a turn and replied softly, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

It was so gentle—too gentle, maybe? This territory felt unfamiliar to him; he was so used to getting to know Zack’s warmth and friendliness, that anything that blurred slightly beyond that felt like a jab to Cloud’s heart.

Though he thought: It wasn’t a jab that had to necessarily _hurt_.

In fact, it never did hurt in all the years Cloud had known the other.

With that realization in mind, Cloud focused on the feeling. It was a good feeling, he decided. A feeling he didn’t mind at all. So he began humming the popular chocobo tune under his breath, loud enough for Zack to hear.

To Cloud, the room didn’t need all that much decoration. As long as Zack was there laughing and singing along, it was enough. No amount of ornaments, of pretty flowers, could ever stand up to the way Zack brightened up wherever Cloud was.

 _Being awake isn’t so bad_ , Cloud thought.

* * *

It was a few weeks since Cloud and Aerith met when the latter decided to drop the bomb.

“So I’ve been thinking,” she began, looking over at the other two.

They were sitting in the shade of the church; the day was hot, and inside the building felt surprisingly cool. As usual, Aerith was sitting close to her flowers. Zack sat cross-legged nearby, folding a chain of daisies Aerith had given him due to his restlessness, Cloud right beside him and watching with rapt attention.

“You actually think?” Zack replied over the daisies. Cloud bit back a snort.

Aerith ignored his remark, though not without a glare sent his way. “You two have become very important people in my life, and I think it’s only right to introduce you guys to my other important person.”

Zack stopped tying his chain. He looked uncertain, which Cloud found suspicious. “Are you talking about—”

“Yeah. Tifa.”

Cloud felt himself go still. Suddenly, he wasn’t seeing Zack’s steady hands looping the daisy stems over and over, a methodical practice that was comforting in its simplicity. Instead, he saw a girl in his arms, unconscious with a wound slashed across her chest. There was a promise of some sort that lingered in his mind, though he couldn’t pinpoint the exact words.

Another failed memory. Cloud felt his throat tighten at the inevitable onslaught of frustration. How much more did he not know?

“Hey, Cloud?”

Zack’s gentle voice drew him from his spiraling. Cloud blinked, and his vision cleared. He saw Zack peering at him with a worried frown. Behind his shoulder was Aerith with a matching expression.

“Sorry,” Cloud muttered, shaking his head. He pressed the heel of his palm against his temple in an attempt to dull the throb that he knew was going to come. “I just need a moment.”

“Of course,” Aerith said, but she kept a careful eye on him.

Zack reached a tentative hand out, and Cloud looked up and nodded slowly. With a small smile of relief, Zack began rubbing a hand on Cloud’s back.

Not too rough, but firm enough to where Cloud felt himself slowly returning. Zack’s physical presence anchored him, and he felt the headaches gradually cease to come in slower, more manageable waves.

“Steady,” Zack said as Cloud straightened up.

“I’m good. Thanks,” Cloud said, feeling slightly disappointed when Zack withdrew after giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze.

Aerith was obviously curious for an explanation, but she had the grace to be patient. Still, Cloud knew he owed her one, so he gritted his teeth and was about to open his mouth before Zack intercepted.

“We can wait on this, Cloud,” he said carefully. “If you aren’t feeling it. I know that you two, uh…”

“You knew Tifa, too?” Aerith asked sharply.

 _There goes explaining things myself_. Cloud sighed; Zack rubbed the back of his neck in an apologetic manner.

“I did. I do,” Cloud corrected himself. He would've chosen to look down at his hands, but Zack’s presence beside him was encouraging enough that Cloud found the will in him to meet Aerith’s expectant gaze.

“I knew her since we were kids. I eventually left Nibelheim for Midgar to try and join SOLDIER—” The memory of _that_ dream felt rancid on his tongue, but he continued, “I didn’t contact her since. I’m sure Zack’s told you about the mission.”

“He did, but I want to hear it from you,” Aerith said.

Cloud appreciated her more for it. “Well, Nibelheim burned and so after I had enough strength from trying to find any survivors, I went to the mako reactor to find Zack and Tifa. They both were hurt—Zack was barely conscious enough, and Tifa was totally out.”

He’d never forget climbing up those steps to meet Sephiroth; his sixteen year old self had gone through so much rage and the grief that it was practically seared into his brain. “I went after Sephiroth, and then… everything gets blurry from there. I don’t remember the specifics, just how I guess I went unconscious after the fighting.”

“He got wounded, too,” Zack chimed in. “Sephiroth’s not exactly the easiest guy to deal with. I thought that was it for me.”

Aerith’s brows furrowed in sympathy. She nodded silently, beckoning Cloud to continue.

“We were caught. I went into catatonia from the mako poisoning Zack’s told me about, and was like that for four years. Then Zack broke us out and we were on the run ever since. I can’t tell you much about _those_ years myself—like I said, I was out of it until we reached Midgar.”

“Four months later and you’re doing great, buddy,” Zack reminded him gently, before Cloud could feel the inevitable despondency of knowing that he had been gone to the world for that long.

He smiled weakly at Zack’s consolation. “Yeah,” he hurried, not wanting to dwell on those missing years. “Anyway, I guess Tifa somehow made it to Midgar after Nibelheim after that… so she’s safe?”

“Yeah! She has her own bar in Sector 7 and everything," Aerith said. "She’s part of this… group, we’ll call it. They’re very against Shinra and the mako reactors. I’m just worried that your guys’ history might not bode well with hers."

The latter part of her response did not do anything to ease Cloud’s nerves, but his shoulders sagged with relief when ensured with the knowledge of Tifa’s well-being.

“I think she’ll remember me,” Zack mused. “Everything about that day was memorable. I guess there’s nothing left but to just face her. If she still hates me because of what we as Shinra’s representatives did to her town, so be it. I won’t force her to be comfortable.”

“I know,” Aerith said softly. “But that doesn’t mean I want everyone to be stuck in the past. None of you deserved what had happened. You are all too important to me for that.”

Zack melted into coos as he pulled the girl into a hug, which Cloud was happy to sit back and watch with his own smile unfolding.

“I want to see her,” Cloud said when Aerith pushed Zack off with a giggle. “I want to catch up. I feel like… that could be closure. I want to make sure she’s alright. She’s the closest thing to Nibelheim I’ve got.”

He didn’t say _home_ —that part of his life had burned along with Sephiroth. After all, he had found a home here in Midgar’s city full of possibilities; in the church and Aerith’s warmth; in Zack’s presence.

“We can arrange a meeting,” Aerith said brightly. “I’ll let Tifa know beforehand so she’s not caught by total surprise. What do you want me to tell her?”

Zack turned his head at Cloud expectantly. The gesture was appreciated; Cloud was comforted in knowing that things were in his control, that he was given choices.

While Cloud thought for a moment, Aerith continued, “I already mentioned to her about Zack’s return. She’s okay with it. A little uneasy, sure, but it’s understandable given everything that’s happened.”

“Wouldn't blame her,” Zack said.

“Just tell her that we'd like to meet her,” Cloud finally said. “We, as in Zack and—and Cloud.”

Aerith smiled. “Of course. Would this weekend sound good? I want to give her time to take things in. Meeting you two can be a handful, you know.”

“What do you mean by that?” Zack complained, while Cloud and Aerith both sighed in fond exasperation. 

* * *

From what Zack mentioned about Shinra’s history with the Nibelheim incident, it was probably best for them to forgo the SOLDIER uniforms worn for merc jobs in exchange for regular civilian clothing. 

Cloud agreed. He always felt somewhat superficial for wearing the uniform, anyway, even though Zack had stressed to him countless times that he looked fine and that it didn’t matter how he was just an infantryman before.

Aerith needed to make some deliveries nearby the inn and had told them she’d meet them there before they all walked to Sector 7. That was fine by Cloud—he needed a bit more time to get in touch with his nerves.

“Hey, I can practically hear you think,” Zack said from the other side of the room, where he was sitting on his own bed. They had separated the two joined beds some time ago, once Zack got over his routine of keeping Cloud right beside him at night from when they used to be on the run. Cloud would never admit it, but he missed Zack’s company.

Just his company, nothing else. Not the way Zack was warm enough for the both of them, the way he would unconsciously put a protective arm around Cloud as if warding off danger. Definitely not the way Cloud would rise on the rare mornings when Zack didn’t wake up earlier than him, marveling at how Zack looked so peaceful and calm as he slept beside him.

“You’re doing it again!”

Cloud blinked, surprised to see Zack suddenly sitting next to him. He must've been so deep in thought that he didn’t notice the other move to his side of the room.

He was also surprised when Zack suddenly grabbed his right arm, tugging it closer.

“What, do you need a hug or something?” Cloud joked, though his voice was more quiet than teasing.

“Nah, just giving you a present. A hug sounds nice, though, let’s do that later.”

“Is it another sword?” Cloud said, amused.

Zack pouted at the comment. He pulled out a daisy bracelet from his pocket and rolled it over Cloud’s hand to where it fell around Cloud’s wrist. 

“Good luck charm,” he explained with a wink. “For when we meet Tifa.”

Cloud already knew he was turning pink. “Thanks,” he said, turning his wrist to look at the chain, starting with the realization that it was the same chain that Zack had worked on in the church. 

He was surprised to see the level of simplicity in the way the different stems were tied together to create a loop; from afar, it looked intricate. And pretty, as well—the daisies’ white petals looked practically painted against Cloud’s pale skin. Aerith, as always, bloomed her flowers to perfection.

Zack was grinning, obviously waiting for some sort of praise from the way he was tilting his head and remaining silent. Cloud looked back at his friend and shook his head, smiling unabashedly. He was so easy to read sometimes.

“It looks nice. I’ll keep it on as long as it doesn’t die,” Cloud said, meaning every word.

“So like, a day, then,” Zack mused, still holding Cloud’s hand, which the latter wondered about but did nothing to cause the other to let go. He didn’t want that to happen. “Ah, well, I’ll just make more. It’s surprisingly not that hard. I bet I could make dozens in ten minutes. D’you think Shinra would be nicer to us if I made them all friendship bracelets?”

Cloud snorted at the thought of an assembly line of SOLDIERs and cadets alike, with Zack at the helm. Aerith walking down the line, poised with her metal staff in the event that someone tried to escape the production.

“Guess not,” Zack laughed, closely watching Cloud’s amusement unfold on his face. “I’ll just teach you, then.”

The way he spoke so sincerely—Cloud didn’t think Zack’s unwavering vivacity had _that_ much of an effect on him until that moment. Everything felt like the daisy chains with him. So easy, so simple, something that brought joy to Cloud’s mind. He dared to call it contentment.

“Looking forward to it,” he said.

Zack chuckled, a smaller piece of the much brighter delight that spread along his face and even his body, as he squeezed Cloud’s hand.

“Let’s go, we promised to meet Aerith outside,” he said, standing up and tugging the younger man up to his feet. It was then when he finally released Cloud’s hand, though not without a reluctant expression on his face. The feeling was mutual.

Cloud studied his daisy bracelet as he followed Zack outside the inn. He hoped it wouldn’t rip soon, but then again, he wouldn’t mind if Zack sat him down and taught him how to make them. 

He also wouldn’t mind making one for Zack in return, to see a look of happiness shine on Zack’s face once more.

Like he said: something to look forward to.

* * *

He thought the walk to Sector 7 would calm him, but his anxieties only grew. If he was quieter than usual while Zack and Aerith talked amongst themselves, the other two didn’t point it out. If anything, their mindless chatter did more to quell his nerves.

“So how’d you two even meet?” Zack asked.

“I think a couple of months after you were gone, when I knew you weren’t coming back anytime soon. I thought I should go up the plate and sell some flowers, as a remembrance sort of thing for you. Since we always talked about it before.”

Zack went silent, and Cloud looked up to see a hint of sadness pass over his friend’s face. It was gone the moment it came, though, as Zack replied with his usual cheeriness, “Did you manage to sell?”

“Hardly,” Aerith laughed. “I was disappointed, sure, but it was nice to see things from a different perspective. It’s so big up there. I could imagine Mom and me living in those big residential districts. It’d be a nicer house, though I’d imagine I’d have less room for my flowers.”

“True,” Cloud said. It was the first thing he’d say since they began walking. “Plus, your house is already homey. I like it there more than any of the places in the city.”

Aerith smiled. “I like it, too.”

“Where does Tifa come in?” Zack insisted.

“I was getting there! Honestly, you could be more patient like Cloud.”

Zack sent a helpless look at Cloud, who shrugged. “I like you the way you are,” he said. “Impatient and loud.”

“That doesn’t feel like a compliment, but I’ll take it,” Zack grinned.

“Good. Now let me finish,” Aerith said. “It was getting late and I had to get home before Mom got suspicious. But then I got lost, and I went to the nearest train station. I bumped into Tifa there, and I asked if she knew the quickest way to get to Sector 5. Luckily she was going to Sector 7 and said she’d be more than happy to take me there. It was night, too, so I figured it was safer that way. We boarded the train afterward.”

“But you don’t have an ID,” Zack pointed out. “At least, I don’t think you do.”

Aerith shrugged. “It was fine. Security check went through, I got called up, but they let me go. Said it was a waste of their time to try and figure out why I didn't have an ID."

Zack still didn’t seem satisfied with the answer. “They don’t usually do that with anybody. Shinra’s crazy about security.”

Cloud thought this was a little strange as well. Back in his infantryman days, he never really ventured out to the city unless it was a mission, but he still knew firsthand how seriously Shinra took the train ID scans. It was a way of control, and Shinra loved control. It was especially important with a city as big and restless as Midgar.

“Nevermind all of that,” Aerith insisted, her expression somewhat hardening. “Do you want to hear the rest or not?”

Fortunately, Zack knew when to stop, and so he shrugged off his confusion and beckoned for Aerith to continue.

Tension left her body, as if she had just overcome a huge test and was given a moment’s respite. “So Tifa and I talked while we rode the train. She said she had business to do, which was why she was up the plate. She seemed kind of guarded about it, so I didn’t ask. 

“We made it to Sector 7, and I told her I was fine walking home alone. She was very against it, and honestly, I was about to tell her that I _wanted_ her to come along. But it was super late, and it’d be worse for her if she had to walk all the way back home from Sector 5. So I asked her if she was free the next day.”

“Already?” Zack said, biting back a laugh. Cloud smiled at the image of Aerith already flirting with Tifa. It had been so long that the memory of his childhood friend was hazy, but he could imagine Tifa responding to Aerith earnestly, if not a little shyly.

“Well, she was cute! And she looked like she could pack a punch—what’s not to love?”

“True,” Zack said. “You thought the same for me, too.”

Cloud hid a smirk while Aerith gave him a look.

“ _Anyway_ , she said she had a bar in Sector 7, so I visited the next day. Everything else after that is pretty much us getting to know each other. We went on dates when we had the chance. She helped with my flowers sometimes, but she had the bar to take care of and some other business, so those times were rare. I still visit her often, though.”

“How cute!” Zack said. He’d be swooning if they weren’t walking; at that point, they had just passed a worn-down playground and were nearing the entrance to Sector 7. “I’m glad you’re happy, Aerith. You deserve it.”

“Thanks,” Aerith giggled, practically swelling with happiness. “That means a lot. And don’t worry, Zack, you’ll meet someone, too.”

“I could, but I don’t have the time!” he replied, sounding joyous and not at all disappointed. He knocked shoulders with Cloud, who looked up to meet Zack’s sincere eyes. “Between Cloud and the merc business, I think I’m booked. No time for dates.”

“You say that like you’re my babysitter,” Cloud said, feigning a somber tone. Really, he liked it when Zack teased like this. He felt included.

“You know what I mean! I like hanging out with you.”

Zack always made that known, but it was nice to hear him say it. 

“I know,” Cloud mumbled, a little embarrassed when he caught Aerith smiling slyly at them.

“Hate to break this up, but we’re here,” she then announced.

They had just passed the Sector 7 train station, following the sprawling dirt path that was bordered by metal fencing. There was the gate that led to the sector pillar ahead of them, with two Shinra guards standing patrol.

“Zack,” Cloud murmured, his fears kicking up again at the sight of those uniforms. That was something he was never going to forget. “Over there.”

“I know, I saw.” Zack swiftly moved so that he was standing next to Cloud in a way that blocked the younger man from the guard’s line of vision.

“We’ll be okay,” Aerith said. “I think they’re more for show than anything.”

“Let’s hope so,” Zack said, his usually bright expression darkening. He was probably wishing he had his sword on him for insurance, but Cloud knew that would only attract more unwanted attention.

Thankfully, they were in their plain clothes; plus, Cloud figured it had been such a long time since his and Zack’s escape that their faces were forgettable to Shinra’s newer recruits. Either it was that or a stroke of luck that allowed the trio to quickly pass the guards’ on their way to the heart of Sector 7 without hassle.

The slums here resembled more of the wastelands outside of Midgar than Sector 5, with no natural greenery in sight. Everywhere was sandy dust and dirt, though the buildings were designed the same with its stacked style and metal-wood structures. Sector 7 also seemed to be teeming with more people than Sector 5; everywhere Cloud looked, there was somebody in his line of vision. He distantly noted how Zack pulled him closer, a hand on Cloud’s shoulder.

“It’s easy to get lost here for people who’ve never been,” Aerith was saying over the din. “It’s not so bad once you get used to it. Just follow me, 7th Heaven should be just up ahead!”

He could tell what Aerith meant. The longer they walked through Sector 7, the more Cloud got acquainted with the scene. It was still noisy, though—already did he want to be back at the inn, or the church, away from everything else. Tifa was waiting, though, so he soldiered on.

People eyed him and Zack warily, but they never made a move when they saw Aerith with them. Zack commented on this as they passed by a particular woman asking if she was going to see Tifa again.

“You’re popular here,” he said.

“I visit often, I told you,” Aerith said, pleased as another person waved to her.

With all the clamor, Cloud could feel a slight headache moving in, so he asked, “We’re close, right?”

“Yeah. It’s usually not this busy, but then again I always come in the morning. Look, there’s the bar.”

They walked a bit more to see a round clearing, with 7th Heaven at the end, sandwiched between two other buildings. People were milling around it, talking amongst themselves. Aerith caught one of usual patrons loitering near the steps of the bar.

“Hey, is Tifa in?” she called.

“Arrived ten minutes ago,” he replied. “Who are these folks? Never seen ‘em around.”

“Just friends I want to introduce,” Aerith said.

He nodded and turned back to his group of friends. Aerith led the two men up the bar’s porch, the wood creaking slightly underneath their weight.

“It looks pretty at night, with all the lights,” she said. “Hopefully we stay long enough to see. Are you ready, Cloud?”

“I think I’m good,” Cloud lied. Now that he was a few seconds away from meeting Tifa, he felt terrible. “Better late than never, right?”

“ _Years_ late,” Zack snickered.

Aerith reached up to pinch Zack’s arm before resting a hand briefly on Cloud’s shoulder. “You’ll be okay,” she murmured. “I know it’s overwhelming. It’ll be for her, too. But I know it will all be okay. She’s understanding, I promise. She knows you guys are here.”

Aerith knew more about Tifa than Cloud did at this point, so he didn’t disagree. Instead, he patted Aerith’s hand, indicating he was ready.

She gave him one last smile and turned to face the wooden doors. It felt all too dramatic, from the way she pushed them to the way they opened before them with a creak, but that was probably Cloud’s nerves running ahead of him.

“I’m here, Tif!” Aerith called, stepping inside. The other two followed.

Inside was small, with a simple interior that said volumes about the establishment’s style. There were a few tables for the patrons, with a jukebox, slot machine, and darts on one wall. 

The whole place felt a bit like the church in its quaintness, except warmer due to its earthen, wooden tones whereas the church felt cooler and otherworldly. The bar felt like coming home to a fireplace, with the night’s chills kept at bay outside.

For a second, Cloud was reminded of the plainness of Nibelheim, and the intimacy and familiarity that came with that plainness. His chest ached and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Zack’s hand rested on Cloud’s back, pressing him forward with such gentleness that Cloud hurt all over again.

“You got this,” Zack said, and Cloud released a shaky breath when a woman’s lighthearted voice echoed.

“Coming!”

Aerith glanced back to give them both an encouraging smile before walking forward as a young woman from the backroom behind the counter.

“Hi, sweetie,” Tifa said, reaching out to hug Aerith. Cloud averted his eyes when the two kissed—he felt like an intruder. Beside him, Zack shifted his feet, more nervous about meeting Tifa than witnessing the brief yet intimate scene before them.

The two withdrew and Aerith made sure to step back, unblocking them from Tifa’s view.

“I brought them,” Aerith murmured. “Just like I said.”

“You sound like you rounded us up,” Zack laughed. He was rubbing the back of his neck; a nervous habit. “Uh, hey, Tifa. Sorry to barge in like this.”

Tifa was quiet. She was probably internalizing the fact that they were all standing in her own bar.

Cloud thought that she was never going to say anything before she finally said, “Zack, if I remember correctly?”

Her tone was polite, with enough tension in it that Cloud had to fight back a wince. He knew it was going to be awkward; after all, Zack had been there when her home burned down, then never seen since.

“Yeah, you got it.” Zack laughed tersely, with no real mirth behind it. “Well, I’m probably not the one you were really looking forward to seeing.”

Cloud practically wanted to bolt out of the door at that moment, but then Zack stepped aside to completely reveal Cloud.

Tifa’s reaction was far more immediate. “ _Cloud_ ,” she said breathlessly, clutching at her chest. Her eyes were blown wide with disbelief and wonder. Behind her, Aerith hovered nervously; it was the first time she showed any unease.

“It’s been a while,” Cloud said, his hesitation clear in the way he held himself back, leaving a great distance of space between then.

Tifa stared at him with a small gape, then regained her composure. “Oh, yes, it has been! I knew Zack was coming, but when Aerith mentioned you I almost couldn’t believe it. I’m sorry, I’m just so surprised…” Tifa rambled, apology written in her face. 

“I didn’t know you were in Midgar,” Cloud said hastily. “If I did, I probably would’ve tried to find you earlier when I arrived.”

“When you arrived…?” Tifa looked confused. “You mean years ago, when you left to join SOLDIER? But I was still in Nibelheim up until—oh, Cloud, you don’t know what happened.”

Cloud winced. This was getting too confusing for him, but he pressed on. “If you’re thinking the same thing I am, then I do know,” he said slowly. “Tifa, let’s just… start over from the beginning. There’s a lot I have to tell you about.”

Tifa’s expression grew more worried. Her eyes darted between Zack and Cloud in a nervous flutter, but she had always believed in Cloud since they were kids. So she nodded and said, “Okay. From the beginning.”

Cloud released a breath of relief, and Tifa took these few seconds to continue. “Wow, it’s been such a while… seven years, Cloud. I haven’t heard from you in all that time.”

 _Seven years?_ Her words echoed in his brain, echoing like a haunting toll bell. It had felt shorter than that. But then again, Cloud had been catatonic for a large part of that time, so his perception of time was warped. 

Despite nursing some doubts, he played along. “Sorry. Back then, Shinra didn’t leave much time beyond training and missions.”

“Shinra? You’re still with them?” Tifa’s voice suddenly adopted an edge, though most of it was lost in her uncertainty. She seemed to be hovering between reassurance from seeing a familiar face and wariness—the latter expression evened out a bit when Aerith touched her arm soothingly.

“Let’s leave them be, Zack. They’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” the girl suggested, but to her surprise, Tifa quickly reached out to tighten a grip around Aerith’s wrist. It was a lightning-quick reflex, having occurred so fast that Cloud didn't see the motions.

Tifa then realized the two men witnessed that, and she withdrew her hand and rubbed her own arm shyly. “Sorry, it’s just…”

“Hey, Tif, it’s okay,” Aerith said softly. “I’ll be here if you want.”

Tifa relaxed immediately. “Yes. I’d like that.” Then she looked at Cloud and Zack, both of them subconsciously gravitating towards one another in shared uncertainty; Zack was standing partially in front of Cloud, as if protecting him from the tension. 

“You guys as well,” she added. “I want to hear everything. Get to know you both again. Like I said, it’s been too long.”

Gods bless Zack, Cloud thought with a pang of gratitude, as the man eased into a warm smile and immediately adopted his usual friendly persona.

“Of course! It _has_ been forever. I’m dying to see more of the bar; Aerith’s always raving about it.”

“Oh, has she?” Tifa threw a fond look at Aerith in question, who hummed with feigned ignorance. “Well, if you’re sure—”

“Positive! That is, if you don’t mind.”

Tifa smiled. It was her first sign of ease. “Let’s get right into it, then,” she said, her smile deepening when Aerith gave her arm a subtle squeeze of encouragement.

Zack and Cloud walked further into the establishment. Tifa looked more comfortable in her element, and Cloud never missed the beat of pride that passed over Aerith’s face.

“Back to your question: no, we’re not part of Shinra anymore,” Cloud said, somewhat adamant in establishing the fact. He wanted to gain Tifa’s trust again; his need to please kicked in.

“Haven’t been for years, after Nibelheim,” Zack added. He said the last part cautiously, knowing it meant treading on dangerous waters for both Tifa and Cloud.

Tifa nodded, crossing her arms as she leaned over the counter. A shadow passed over her face at the mention of their hometown. “I can’t say I'll understand everything, from what Aerith told me.”

“Just bits and pieces. Nothing too important,” Aerith said. “Like how you two arrived in Midgar not too long ago and have been recovering. The rest is all yours to say.”

Tifa nodded along. “It’s your story to tell. I’ll listen.”

“It’s not the happiest story,” Zack grinned ruefully. “It’s a thrill ride if I add the fun details about our escape. Like the time I outran the Midgar zolom on a chocobo. And sneaking around Costa del Sol. Those beaches are heavenly, might I add.”

“ _Zack_ ,” Cloud stressed, feeling a bit conflicted. Part of him appreciated Zack for trying to lighten the mood, but another part of him was anxious on behalf of Tifa’s feelings. “Now’s not the time—”

“No, I want to hear all of it,” Tifa said. She seemed surprised at her own input, but she continued steadily, albeit with some nervousness. “Though… maybe Cloud’s right. There’s a lot to go over right now. But it’ll make a good story for next time.”

The idea of there being a ‘next time’ at all removed any remaining apprehension that was weighing Cloud down. He sneaked a furtive glance at Tifa, whose smile was more genuine than he’d seen the entire day.

“Next time, then,” Zack decided, satisfied for now. “It gives me more time to tweak the story a bit, make it more appealing and heroic. Where should we start?”

Cloud was not one to lose focus on the main topic. “Let’s start from where we were in Nibelheim for that mission.”

“It’s going to be a rollercoaster from here on out,” Aerith told Tifa in an offside comment. The girl raised a brow but offered Cloud her whole attention, and he could feel his nerves start to ignite under her steady, ruby gaze.

“Here goes nothing,” he said. As Tifa led them all to one of the tables, Zack gave his hand a gentle squeeze that eased some of the stress from Cloud’s shoulders.

* * *

Tifa was quiet for most of the talking. She was sympathetic to their struggles but her expression remained a frown throughout. She looked sad and pensive most of all.

Undeterred, they managed to explain Nibelheim. Or rather, Zack did, as Cloud was still lost on those events. All he knew was that he faced Sephiroth, watched his body plummet below the reactor, and then blacked out for the next few years—which was putting it simply.

Zack then talked about his journey to Midgar. Cloud already heard a large portion of it before, but that didn’t stop him from experiencing an onslaught of guilt as Zack described their lonely lives as runaways. Aerith grew somewhat emotional hearing it all over again, too, though she kept most of her composure for Tifa’s sake.

By the time Cloud and Zack finished the story, the conversation gradually became lighter. Aerith engaged them all in small talk, which Zack happily followed as he re-acquainted himself with Tifa.

Cloud used this time to excuse himself from the bar. The past hours were the most stressful he’d ever been, and it didn’t help when trying to stay relaxed exhausted every fiber of his being. In fact, he felt more strung out by the minute, and he hated himself for feeling worse as he heard Aerith laugh at one of Zack’s jokes, Tifa adding a teasing remark in response.

He suddenly wanted to get away from everything, and that included the three people sitting around him.

He didn’t miss the way Zack suddenly stopped talking when he rose from the wooden bench.

“You good?” Zack asked, his airy voice already deepening to worry.

Cloud shook his head. “Headache,” he said. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the whole truth, either. “It’s from the mako,” he explained at Tifa’s curious expression.

“He gets lots of those, poor guy,” Aerith told Tifa.

“It shouldn’t be this bad by now,” Zack muttered.

“Do you need water? I have migraine pills," Tifa suggested. "They’re not upper plate perfect, but I find that they work."

They were practically strangers and still she was acting so _kind_ to him. It felt wrong, in a way. He should be better at this.

Cloud screwed his eyes shut, schooling his contorted expression with even breaths.

“I’m fine,” he managed. “Just need some air.”

“Fresh air would do you good. Country boys don’t need any pills,” Zack agreed, mostly to let Tifa off Cloud’s back. “You sure you don’t need anything, though?”

“No, but thanks,” Cloud said, lightly touching Zack’s shoulder in reassurance as he began moving away from their table. “I’ll be back.”

“Come get me if it hurts too much,” Zack insisted. “We can go home and get you in a proper bed.”

 _Home_. Cloud was surprised to feel a genuine smile on his face, however small it was.

The expression was quick to fall as soon as he stepped outside, the door closing behind him. The air _did_ help with his head, and the night chill was enough to distract him from sinking into himself.

The slums came alive at night, with jukebox music and conversation lingering in the mako-thick air. Leaning against the side of the wooden porch railing, Cloud found some comfort in watching people mingle around him.

They all seemed to enjoy themselves, and the way they interacted so easily with others was something Cloud found himself envying.

At least he could pretend, for now. Pretend that he was one of them—untainted by his past, able to roam in and beyond the city without worry. A Nibelheim native in Midgar with a clean slate. He pretended he was free.

Those thoughts sated him, calming the haunting whispers and pangs in his head. He felt empty, painfully hollow, but it was a relief after being so overwhelmed his entire life.

His solitude was interrupted when he heard the door swinging behind him. He didn’t look back, not wanting to know who it was.

“You okay?”

He managed not to wince at Tifa’s voice. He made himself turn around, offering her a weak smile.

“Not really,” he said.

Tifa hummed sympathetically. “Mind if I give you company?”

Cloud stepped aside, giving Tifa some room to stand next to him. “You need something?”

“Just wanted to check up on you since you didn’t come back in for a while,” Tifa said. “It doesn’t have to be from necessity all the time.”

He didn’t know what to say, so he remained quiet and continued gazing up at the metal plate above them. There was a greenish hue everywhere, he noticed, telltale of the years Midgar spent running on mako energy.

“I missed you, Cloud,” Tifa said, breaking the silence.

“Did you really?” he asked. The question came out suddenly, appearing as rude, but he was more disbelieving than anything.

Tifa was caught by surprise. “Well, yeah,” she said, clasping her hands behind her back and facing away from Cloud. “It’s been a long time—”

“Exactly!” he blurted, unable to stop. “It’s been years, Tifa, and I can’t remember anything! I can barely remember you or Nibelheim, just your name and that I once knew you. My life basically started all over again after our town burned. How can you miss a person who was gone five years ago?”

Cloud wasn’t a crier. He was the type of person to feel the emotions burn in his chest, searing their mark on him like scars. He wished he cried; it must feel so cathartic, he thought, it must feel so nice to have everything roll out of him through tears.

So he burned, tightening his hands into fists at his side. His shoulders shook like he was going through the motions of crying, but his face remained as dry as the Midgar wastelands.

He jerked his head up when Tifa said his name. Her voice felt like tears—like rain, gentle and cool as water drops.

“Cloud,” Tifa murmured.

“ _Tifa_ ,” he shot back, broken and ragged. “Tifa, I want to be the person you think I am, but I just can’t. I don’t know who I am anymore. What did I lose back in Nibelheim? I can't figure it out.”

He released a shaky breath and rested his elbows on the flat tops of the porch railing, clutching his head. “Then there’s you,” he mumbled.

“Cloud...”

"You came from Nibelheim, too, yet we’re so different. And I’m not mad, I’m just— _how_? How did you do it? You made a home here, all on your own. You rebuilt yourself, Tifa. All those years of hard work and you did it, but what do I have to show for it? Amnesia.”

Tifa looked deeply troubled and uncertain. Her hand reached out, hovering in the space between them, but Cloud jerked away before she could touch him.

“I’m sorry,” he said, his voice small. He truly regretted his words; he hadn't even said that much to Zack. Tifa didn't deserve his bullshit. “This wasn’t you expected, huh? I’m sorry. I just… I don’t want to think anymore.”

“Cloud,” Tifa said, and this time he didn’t shy away from her as she gently enveloped him in a hug. Her arms were loose enough around him that he would be able to pull away if he wanted, but he didn’t.

It had been a long time, anyway, and he found that her touch was comforting. He sank into her embrace, though his own arms remained limp at his sides. Tifa didn’t mind; she held the back of his head, just like the way Zack did, and the reminder pushed the man deeper into his emotions.

The two stood like that for a while until Cloud slowly withdrew, unable to take it anymore. He pressed his fingers against his cheek. It was still dry.

 _Damn it_ , he thought.

Tifa watched him with sadness. “Hey,” she said, taking his hand and pulling it away from his face.

He lifted his eyes to meet hers.

“What you said, there was some truth. I _did_ miss the Cloud I knew way back when,” she admitted. “But I didn’t expect any of this to happen. None of it was your fault, though. You were there at the wrong time, you were the victim. You couldn’t fight it all—you’re only human. Not a SOLDIER, not some god; just Cloud."

“I wish I could be anything else,” he mumbled.

“But there’s no one else I’d be happier to see. You’re here, and that’s all that matters. It’s true that I managed to start fresh in Midgar, but you can, too. You said so yourself: your life started after Nibelheim. You can continue it here. You’ve already got step one down.”

“Yeah?” Cloud asked, only to humor her.

“Yeah. You got a family—Zack, Aerith, me. And we couldn’t be prouder of you, Cloud. You’re surviving, even after everything that’s happened.”

"But you barely know me anymore... how...?"

"It doesn't matter," Tifa said. "Even if we're strangers now, it just means a chance to know you again, invite you into the family. I said it already, you've already got one waiting inside the bar."

That was a lot to internalize all at once, but Cloud couldn’t deny the fact about family. He might not be as close to Tifa and Aerith, but he could get there. Hadn’t he just been helping Aerith deliver flowers the other day? Didn’t he have fun? And wasn’t he here with Tifa right now, allowing himself to be vulnerable?

And Zack—Cloud could never forget Zack and the way he always stood beside Cloud all those years. He’d never forget how _worried_ Zack looked when Cloud said he had a mere headache. That, and everything else.

Cloud could feel as much self-pity and regret as he wanted, but he also felt an overwhelming sense of pure gratitude. He experienced it practically daily when waking up to the world every morning, and tonight was no exception as he finally smiled at Tifa.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

“I got you,” she replied. “It's not going to get easier, but just know that you have us to fall back on when everything gets tough. There’s nothing wrong with depending on friends.”

“So we’re friends?”

Tifa shoved his chest gently, hiding a small laugh behind a hand. “Of course!” she said merrily. “And as your friend, I’m making you go inside now. It’s getting late, you should eat something before you go back to Sector 5. I’m popular around here for my cooking, y’know.”

“We’ll see about that,” Cloud said.

Tifa grinned. She reached out again and Cloud assumed she wanted another hug, but the girl simply pointed at the daisy chain around his wrist.

"I noticed it earlier. It's cute," she said. "You made that?"

Truthfully, he had forgotten all about it, the supposed good luck charm. Raising his wrist to look at it closer, he was glad to see the petals still intact. A bit crumpled, but there.

"Zack," he replied, and she smiled knowingly.

"Speaking of which, he's waiting. Aerith, too. Let's go."

Zack greeted him immediately at the door as soon as they came back inside, a hand already closed around Cloud’s wrist and tugging him back to his original seat. Tifa laughed as she made her way to the kitchen.

“Glad you’re back, buddy,” he said, a smile blooming on his face. Cloud averted his gaze, but grinned back all the same.

“Glad to _be_ back,” he replied.

“The puppy missed you while you were gone,” Aerith said, reaching out across the table to squeeze Cloud’s hand, a gesture of comfort before she stood up. “Anyways, Tifa’s gonna make us something. I’m going to hop back and help her.”

“You guys need help?” Zack asked, as restless as ever. "I can cut stuff."

“With a sword, you can. Don't worry, we got things handled. Plus, it’ll be a bit of alone time with Tifa. Sorry, but she _is_ my girlfriend.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Zack said, waving a hand around in a shooing motion. “You’re sick of hanging with the boys, I get it.”

“Oh, you,” Aerith laughed, flicking Zack’s cheek as she walked past. “Keep him in check, okay, Cloud?”

“I'll try,” Cloud said, and Zack’s pout swiveled from Aerith’s direction to his.

It was quick to disappear, though, just as Zack’s attention was quick to diverge to another topic.

“You feelin’ better with the headache?” he asked, tapping his fingers absently against the table. “You know, I was more than willing to take you home if it got too much. We can’t have you passing out on us.”

Cloud glanced up at Zack. As always, the older man’s sincerity touched him. He thought about what Tifa said earlier about the future.

A future full of flowers and dozing in the church, of Aerith’s teasing and Tifa’s familiarity. One full of Zack, grinning at him just like he was now.

“Yeah,” Cloud said belatedly. He found that he couldn't find much breath in him. “I’m feeling a lot better.”

“Good,” Zack said. “Anyway, remember the hug you promised earlier? Do you need one now? You looked sad for a moment there.”

“I’m not sad, just thinking.”

“You’re always thinking,” Zack complained.

Cloud didn’t respond to that, but he did open his arms in an invitation, which Zack happily accepted.

Zack’s arms were firm and sturdy, something to lean against when Cloud got tired. He was definitively tired now, especially with his earlier conversation with Tifa. But he still had the energy to wrap his arms around Zack’s shoulders—he always would.

“You’re a good hugger, Spike.”

Cloud’s laugh was slow to rise, bubbling in his chest before escaping. It felt freeing. 

“Learned from the best,” he said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO.... that remake ending... how we feeling tonight ladies


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry for the long wait, there's a lot going on in my life rn. it's been overwhelming but things are okay now!  
> this fic has always been in the back of my mind in the time since the last chapter, and i'm determined to finish it. thanks for all the nice comments, they're really uplifting and encourage me to write this <3  
> (also.... the chapter lengths are fine right?? i feel like this one ran too long but i got tired and just published it anyway lol. but i want to try to ease up on the writing to make reading smoother, but idk if it's a problem to begin with)
> 
> OH AND there's a remake reference... not really plot-related, it's just mentioning one minor character !!

Reacquainting with Tifa took a lot of getting used to. She was more open to Cloud, which Zack was fine with. He was glad that Cloud had someone he could personally confide in. Sure, Zack would always be there, but it was relieving to see the younger man slowly relax around people who wasn’t Zack or Aerith.

Zack took pride in his ability to get along with just about anyone. Angeal once teased that it was because he was so plain easy to read; Zack, on the other hand, liked to think that he was just a very friendly person.

He had gotten along with Tseng, hadn’t he? And Tseng was hard to please. He even befriended Sephiroth, though Zack wasn’t too keen on him now. But the point was, if he could deal with them, he could surely be on better terms with Tifa.

It helped that she was trying, too. Nibelheim’s history would always be there and Tifa still seemed to nurse ill feelings towards Shinra, so Zack understood if she didn’t want to befriend him. He said exactly that the second time they met up at the bar, a week after their reunion.

Aerith and Cloud were gone on an errand, so it had been just them. Zack felt a little nervous, especially when it was so quiet without Aerith’s chatter that he could easily join, so he had blurted his thoughts while Tifa was organizing up the shelves behind the counter.

She put down the set of shot glasses she had been balancing and gave him a halfhearted smile when he said how he’d understand if she was uneasy with him.

“It’s been years since then, so I’ve had time to get over it,” she answered. “Well, not exactly that—I don’t think I’ll ever get over what happened.”

“Come to terms?” Zack suggested.

Tifa nodded. “Yeah, come to terms with it, that’s better. _Internalizing_ it. But what’s done is done. There’s nothing to do but look forward, and I guess you’re in that general direction.”

“Sorry if I just, I dunno, barged into your life like this.”

“Zack,” she said, leaning against the wooden counter to look straight at him from where he sat across. “If you hadn’t barged, then Cloud wouldn’t be here. It puts my mind to rest knowing that he’s safe… and you, too.”

“Was that a bit of hesitation?” Zack teased.

To his relief, Tifa only smiled at the light remark. “Really, I’m glad you made it out of Nibelheim.” She hesitated then, looking away pensively as she murmured, “You're—you're different. You’re a good guy."

“Thanks,” Zack said, unsure of what else to say. He didn’t want to interrupt, since there seemed to be more Tifa wanted to express. She looked unsure, hovering between dubious thoughts in her head that Zack could only wonder about.

“I can’t really say the same for the rest of Shinra, though,” she continued. “I’m sorry, but… I might be harming your SOLDIER friends. I’m part of this cause, you see, and we’re only doing what we think is right. And…”

She trailed off, but Zack waved off the tense silence.

“I never had many friends in Shinra,” he admitted. “Well, I got along with a lot of people, but that’s different, y’know? There’s less than a handful who are actually friends. The rest of Shinra just wants me dead."

Tifa nodded, sympathy crossing her face, but Zack shrugged. It was simply the truth, and there was no help in denying it. He had lived through too much to let idealism cloud his vision like that.

“What I’m saying is, do what you have to do,” he said. “And, honestly, after all Shinra did to me and Cloud? I’d give them living hell.”

Tifa laughed—it was more of a sigh, a slight release of amusement that had been drowning in her pent-up stress, but it was enough to make Zack beam.

“So I take it that you’re a supporter of Avalanche now?” she then asked.

“Avalanche?” Zack had vaguely heard that name back in the day, but he had been more occupied with taking missions and making First.

“I thought Aerith told you. I think she wanted me to be responsible and tell you myself.”

Zack grinned. “Sounds like her.”

“Heh, right? Anyways, Avalanche is this anti-Shinra organization scattered throughout Midgar. 7th Heaven is the base for Sector 7’s group.”

“So you’re the leader?”

“Oh, no! I’ve got no time, with the bar and all. The real leader is someone else. Maybe I could introduce you, but he’s not so fond of people working for Shinra.”

Zack tilted his head. “Even if they’ve left for good?”

Tifa hummed nervously. “Something tells me it’s all the same to him. He’s very… _passionate_.”

“So I probably won’t be able to meet him, then.”

“If you really wanted to, I could mention it to him. I can’t promise anything, though.”

“Understandable,” Zack said. _Man_ , being ex-SOLDIER was making it hard to meet people, he thought sourly.

“You’d be willing to help us, though? After everything?” Tifa asked, almost hopefully. He could see that she was trying hard to restrain herself.

“I can help as much as I can,” Zack said. “It’d be kind of hard to, though, since I’m on their hit list. They’ve been hounding after us for years.”

“Right, of course. I wouldn’t want you to jeopardize yourself.”

“But,” Zack added quickly, as he sensed Tifa’s hope deflating, “I could provide intel or something. Like the stuff I knew from the old days, schedules and operations and the Shinra building—given that nothing’s changed in the past few years, anyway.”

“Every bit _does_ count,” she mused, nodding at the idea. “Ultimately, it’s not up to me, but I’ll see what I can do. Besides, you’re a mercenary. It’ll be easier to see that you’re doing this more for the money than revenge, no matter who you are in the slums.”

“True,” Zack said. “And, uh, it’s not really revenge to me, I don’t think. Don’t get me wrong, Shinra’s complete shit, but it’s more like… doing the right thing.”

Tifa crossed her arms, a flash of interest lighting her eyes. “Doing the right thing?” she repeated.

“I knew Shinra was suspicious, anyway, even when I was working for them, yet I did nothing but follow orders. That was all you could really do in a place like that,” Zack explained. “And I guess I still feel awful for not being able to do much for Nibelheim, so it’s like… a redemption, almost. Not revenge. I just want to make it up to myself and everyone around me. I could finally make use of the SOLDIER they made out of me and use it for good.”

There was a beat of silence, and he almost regretted everything. Maybe he should’ve stayed quiet. He hardly knew Tifa, yet here he was, babbling about _redemption_ of all things to a person who had personally suffered from Shinra’s power—

“That’s very heroic of you,” Tifa suddenly said, her voice soft.

Zack rubbed his neck, laughing nervously. The particular word struck a chord in him that he thought had been long dormant. “You think?”

“Mhm. It’s hard _not_ to be driven by revenge. Even now, I’m not sure if being in Avalanche is because of revenge or not. I want to do what’s right for the Planet, but I’m still furious, deep down. I want to make them pay for what they did.”

“It kinda blurs together, huh?” Zack said. “Into one confusing mess.”

“Yeah. Honestly, I’m just tired of it all,” Tifa said, a little sadly.

“Well... that makes the two of us.”

It wasn’t a way to lighten the mood—it was just plain fact. Zack didn’t know what Avalanche was up to, didn’t know enough about Tifa to really set friendship in motion, but he was getting somewhere. He was getting to a place where he was able to sit down and talk to Tifa personally. To set aside the bad stuff, not to necessarily make room for friendship but to establish a mutual understanding.

In the end, that was all Zack could ask for.

Before Tifa could respond, the doors to the bar opened and Aerith swept in holding a crate full of various bottles of alcohol, Cloud at her heels carrying a box of groceries.

“We’re back!” Aerith sang as Cloud placed his box on one of the wooden tables.

Tifa gave Zack a heartfelt smile, reaching over the counter to pat his arm before making her way to help Aerith haul the alcohol behind the counter.

“Did you find the vendor easily?” Tifa asked as she started taking out the bottles from the crate and reading their labels. Aerith stood right beside her, probably admiring the view.

“Yeah, he was at the train station like you said,” Aerith said. “Kind of a jerk, though. But he got his gil and we got your stuff, so all’s good.”

“Dealing with topside business can get annoying,” Tifa sighed.

“Lucky for you, I’m _great_ at handling city folk!”

“Lucky me,” Tifa agreed, leaning in to give Aerith a quick kiss on the cheek just as Cloud came to sit beside Zack at the counter.

“So did Aerith do all the talking?” Zack asked.

“You already know the answer to that,” Cloud said.

“Aw, it’s okay. Not everyone’s social. That’s why you got me! I handle the people, you handle the business.”

Cloud scoffed, but he held a fond smile even as he suffered through Zack’s customary playfulness of slinging an arm over his shoulder and tugging him closer, close enough that Cloud almost toppled over his barstool.

After a bit, Cloud managed to force his way out from under Zack’s arm. “Sector 7’s bigger than 5,” he said suddenly.

“Oh?” Zack raised a brow.

“Yeah. I figured… since you’re always talking about taking more jobs, we could do it here. There's more people.”

He said this a little hesitantly, as if he was ready to toss the idea. There was no reason why it wouldn’t work, though—Zack himself had been thinking along the same lines, but he was pleased to hear it come from Cloud.

Tifa was ecstatic, as well. “That’d be really helpful!” she said. “There’s tons of work to be done here, especially with the neighborhood watch. Plus, I can advertise your merc business.”

“Tifa and I could both do that,” Aerith agreed. “People would hear all about your business and demand more. Which means more gil in your pockets!”

Cloud looked away, silent but happy to hear such eager reactions. Zack couldn’t help but soften at the sight; he knew Cloud was trying hard to contribute, especially after so long of not being able to because of his health.

“It’s a great idea, Spike. We’d be rolling in money,” Zack said, reaching to squeeze Cloud’s shoulder. “Then we can finally get the jukebox like we talked about!”

“We still need new materia first. And more curatives,” Cloud reminded. But despite his rolling eyes, he still smiled at Zack’s infectious excitement, and Zack couldn’t help but ruffle his hair in return.

* * *

Over the next couple of days, he and Cloud dedicated themselves to clearing out the list of monsters that plagued Sector 7’s scrapyard and abandoned warehouse. It was a good place to start doing work in the area, as well as a way to track Cloud’s training.

For someone as inexperienced as he was, Cloud was doing pretty well, though he was still somewhat shaky and his movements were slightly slower compared to Zack.

Zack was immensely proud of him nonetheless, especially when he realized Cloud had a better knack for using materia. Sure, Zack had been required to familiarize with materia theory and how to use it as a SOLDIER, but his sword always came more naturally. Sometimes to a fault, whenever he got ahead of himself and became the receiving end of a few hits. 

It was never more than a couple scratches, though—frankly, scrapyard monsters were complete pushovers compared to what Zack had gone through before.

Besides, he had Cloud. In the rare times Zack had a particularly nasty injury, the younger man always insisted on healing them himself. They’d sit somewhere quiet and out of sight from monsters; he’d kneel beside Zack, holding a hand over whatever body part needed mending, a concentrated look hardening his face. There’d be the pulsating glow of his cure materia, the brief tension of Zack’s skin reworking itself over wounds, and then the cooling relief that followed.

“Be more careful,” Cloud would say, rough with exasperation due to Zack’s recklessness. Zack would reply by laughing it off and thank Cloud for healing him—it was only then when Cloud truly relaxed, his shoulders sagging with relief when Zack assured him he was fine.

Though he would never say anything about how the ring of green in Cloud’s blue eyes would brighten noticeably whenever he used magic. He saw it while they’ve been fighting monsters, too, but he was always quick to blame it on pure imagination.

It was strange, though. The more Cloud got in touch with the mako, acquainting himself with an enhanced and practically unfamiliar body, the more reserved he seemingly became. There was still a certain endearing boyishness to Cloud, reminiscent of when he had been a sixteen year old infantryman, but there was also an added edge that hardened over the few months of slowly understanding what was done to him.

Zack figured it was inevitable; Cloud had a pretty long time to internalize everything. To realize how he had gone through a lot, having lost seven years he could never get back. To go through what he had as a sixteen year old—now _twenty_ , and someone who would never be able to live his younger years like he was supposed to. And now he was supposed to live a normal life again?

That would be tough on anyone. Zack could only do so much to ease Cloud’s pain.

It didn’t mean he never tried, though. Sometimes, it would be hard to pull Cloud back from his daze, from the thoughts that plagued him. Other times, all it took was a somewhat funny joke or squeezing his hand when he least expected it for Cloud to blink away the fog, blue eyes turning clear and bright once more.

Zack was always good at gathering attention from others, anyway; it came from his easygoing nature, a magnet that pulled at those nearby. It was a skill that especially came in handy when he needed to remind Cloud of where he was: in Midgar, away from Nibelheim and the horrors that took place there—safe.

With that said, they figured it was finally time for them to move from the inn to somewhere a bit more permanent. ”A new home,” as Zack liked to say, though it was actually Tifa who first brought up the idea of moving.

“There’s an open room next to where I live,” she had said, on a particular late afternoon of feeding the two men after their scrapyard shenanigans. “I can talk to the landlady and see if she can give you the key.”

“How much would it be?” Zack asked, absently pushing some of his vegetables on Cloud’s plate. Tifa’s cooking was amazing, but he was full—besides, he figured Cloud could use a few more bites. Despite their everyday training, the poor guy still looked a bit too tired and lanky. He was gaining back some of his color, the blush returning to his cheeks, though there was still a long way to go before full recovery. 

Cloud gave him an amused look but didn’t say anything in favor of letting Tifa answer. Zack fought back a smile.

“There’s no need to pay rent! Marle, she supports Avalanche. She’ll let those who help out with the cause live at Stargazer Heights rent-free.”

“Very convenient,” Zack mused. 

Maybe _too_ convenient; over the years, he’s learned not to trust anything. But living in an actual place that wasn’t an inn sounded nice, and he knew it would be more practical to live in Sector 7. There was more business here than in Sector 5, anyway.

Tifa chuckled at Zack’s hesitancy. “Don’t worry, Marle’s a good woman,” she said. “She’s kept an eye out for me ever since I moved to Midgar.”

“Well, then, if you trust her,” he said, satisfied for now. “What d’ya say, Spike? Looks like we’re moving.”

“It’s just a singular room. It might be tight for the two of you,” Tifa warned.

“That’s fine,” Cloud said, before Zack could say anything. His voice had grown somewhat curt, and his tone invited no argument. “Nothing we’re not used to.”

“Or Cloud could get the room,” Zack suggested a bit carefully. He didn’t know what was going on, what with Cloud’s sudden roughness, but he decided to continue treading. Maybe he could figure out how Cloud was feeling. “I can stay at the inn. Maybe we can divvy up the jobs that way: I can take Sector 5, Cloud can take 7. The inn’s cheap, anyway, so I can still keep up with paying for the room. Just until there’s enough space for both of us—”

“ _No_ ,” Cloud said.

Zack balked. He was no stranger to Cloud’s tendency to speak his mind, but his steely certainty was enough to make Zack pause.

“Cloud?” Tifa asked worriedly.

“No,” Cloud repeated, a little softer this time. He looked slightly surprised at his own boldness, as he seemed to deflate, weariness bearing over his shoulders like a dead weight. “We’re—you’ve never had a problem with being in close quarters before, right, Zack?”

He almost sounded desperate, and Zack felt a bit of heartache when he dared to meet Cloud’s uncertain eyes.

“Never,” he assured him, refusing to sound choked up. “I liked it when you were near. It felt safe.”

It felt _right_ , in better words. It was probably from the years of running, where Cloud had practically been the core of Zack’s mental state, but he knew it also came from familiarity. He never regretted a time when Cloud was by his side, whether it was now or years ago, when they were able to exchange a rare conversation after bumping into each other in the hallways of Shinra’s building. 

Cloud glanced at Tifa, straightening up and looking as if he had proven a point. Which, Zack supposed, he did—albeit in a strange, curt way.

“We’ll take the room next to yours, if your landlady doesn’t mind,” Cloud said firmly, his earlier uncertainty disappearing as fast as Tifa’s confusion, as she was quick to move on from her bewilderment as well.

“Great! I’ll talk to Marle once I close the bar and head home,” she said, adopting a cheerful tone in an attempt to lighten the slowly-thinning tension in the air. 

Zack sagged with relief. “You’re the best,” he said. “Thanks, Tifa.”

“No problem. Anything to help you both out. You might be able to move in as early as the end of this week, so just come back soon and I’ll have everything set up.”

“Guess that’s settled, then,” Zack said, rising to his feet.

“Oh, before you guys leave!” Tifa started, “Do you mind taking this box to Aerith? I managed to get a pack of plant seeds from a new supplier, and I want to see if she can grow them. We do this whole trial-and-error sort of thing: she grows the produce, I test them out before using it as ingredients for the bar.”

“Only if you pay us. We’re mercs, we don’t work for free,” Cloud said, sounding a bit like himself again. 

His blatant remark and the sheer relief of it all had Zack laughing and leaning forward to rest his forehead on Cloud’s shoulder in an effort to still himself.

“I pay you in _food_ ,” Tifa pointed out.

They eventually say their goodbyes to Tifa, thanking her for the food before leaving the bar. Zack chose to be the one carrying the box of seed packs, holding it against his hip as he walked towards the winding path leading to the sector exit, Cloud right beside him.

He hoped they would be able to get back to Sector 5. Aerith was the one who showed them how to get between the two areas without using the train. It was a long way to go, running along a collapsed expressway and through what felt like an endless winding path around towers of debris and broken buildings.

As soon as they passed the Sector 7 train station, Cloud asked, “You remember the way back?”

“I hope I do,” Zack said honestly.

“Nothing we can’t handle.”

“I dunno,” Zack laughed. “Didn’t Aerith say we shared, what, one braincell? Isn’t that what she said?”

“She may be right, but that braincell works pretty well between the two of us,” Cloud said, smiling for the first time since they left the bar. It was a small one, hardly noticeable in the fading light, but Zack could practically feel its warmth.

It was early dusk when they emerged from the expressway. There had been a couple of monsters lurking behind the rubble, but it was nothing Zack couldn’t handle, even with one arm occupied with Tifa’s package. Besides, he had Cloud covering his back, and the two came out the other end of the tunnels relatively unscathed, albeit a bit dirtied up.

They had decided to take a quick break at a worn-down bench, situated at a midway point between the expressway and Sector 5 train station. Zack set the box on the seat beside him, rolling out the strain from his shoulders as Cloud sat at his other side, staring out into the distance.

Cloud’s quiet nature was normal, but there was something about his current silence that made Zack uneasy. It was enough to create an odd tension, one that clung to Zack’s consciousness and nagged at him to speak up.

“So,” Zack eventually said, interrupting the silence. “Are you… doing okay?”

Cloud glanced at him warily. “Yes? What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to assume anything, but you were acting a little off earlier, at Tifa’s. I just wanted to check up on you, y’know?”

“I’m fine,” Cloud said, though his words were moot as his body visibly stiffened.

“You’re not,” Zack said.

Cloud sighed, rubbing his eyes. “Sorry,” he murmured, looking genuinely apologetic.

And sad, Zack thought, as he noticed Cloud growing more withdrawn every time he tried to avoid meeting Zack’s eyes.

“I’ve spent enough time with you to know when you’re feeling down,” Zack pointed out.

“Half that time I was comatose,” Cloud said dryly.

“Okay, fine, but still!” He jostled Cloud’s shoulder with his own. “You can tell me anything you feel comfortable with. Doesn’t have to be now—I just wanted to let you know that I’ll always lend an ear. Just ‘cause I have a short attention span doesn’t mean I won’t listen.”

“Yeah,” Cloud said. “Anyway… thanks, I guess. Sorry.”

“What for?”

“I don’t know.” Cloud’s brow furrowed in deep frustration. “I trust you, but… I can’t trust myself with words. They’re—they’re not easy.”

“Hey, I get it,” Zack said gently. “Hm, well, maybe not exactly. I just say whatever comes to mind and that usually lands me in trouble. You, though, you’re more of a thinker; you take your time. So take as much as you need.”

Cloud nodded, his eyes squeezed shut as he mulled over his thoughts. Zack was content with waiting, busying himself by bouncing his knee to a song echoing in his mind.

He was pulled from his daze at the sound of Cloud’s voice, somewhat timid and unsure.

“It doesn’t have to be right now, right?”

“What do you mean?” Zack asked.

“It might take me a while to figure things out,” Cloud mumbled, looking down at his lap. He seemed a bit embarrassed at his own ordeal. “I don’t even know what’s there to figure out. It’s just this big mess of thoughts. Memories, you know?”

“Yeah.”

“But you’ll be there when I’m ready, right? When I know what to say.” There was an echo of desperation in his voice.

“Of course.” Zack patted Cloud’s thigh soothingly. “We’ve done this before, haven’t we? Us sorting what you’re going through. You’ve been doing great. I know you can do it.”

Cloud smiled wearily. “You think so?”

“I _know_ so!”

The younger man erupted into soft laughter, giving Zack a look made of equal exasperation and fondness. “Let’s head back. It’s going to get dark soon.”

They made their way back to Sector 5 with relative ease, though Cloud’s movements were significantly slower by the time they made it to Aerith’s house. It was to the point where Zack volunteered to deliver the box of plant seeds himself while Cloud took a breather outside.

“I’m fine,” Cloud argued, reaching out for the box under Zack’s arm, but Zack batted his hand away.

“Like hell you are,” Zack said. “I know you’re too tired for small talk right now. You’re still getting your strength back—and I know what you’re gonna say. _It’s been months, Zack!_ ” His voice grew rough and grumpy in his impersonation of Cloud.

“I don’t sound like that.”

“Yeah, you do. Now go take it easy,” Zack said, and Cloud half-glowered at him before stepping away from the doorway to walk around the gardens.

It was Elmyra who greeted him after Zack knocked. Apparently Aerith was out and about, though where she didn’t know. 

“That girl always has a mind of her own,” Elmyra sighed. “She’s probably helping out around the neighborhood. Anyways, I’ll tell her you stopped by.”

“Thanks, Mrs. G,” Zack said merrily. He was unsure of whether or not Elmyra still nursed some bitterness about him disappearing on Aerith, even if it was unintentional. She was nice to him, after all these years, but Zack knew that some things just never was the same.

Nevertheless, whatever happened in the past didn’t stop him from bidding her a good night nor Elmyra wishing him a safe journey home.

They walked back to the inn. Zack made sure Cloud was the first one in the shower. In the meantime, he himself went to the kitchen, where he saw the innkeeper making tea. Greeting her, Zack heated up the dinner that Elmyra gave him before they left the house (he had the suspicion that some of that was Aerith’s doing; she always worried that the two men were going to starve themselves) before making his way to the dining room, which was basically a slightly bigger room with round table and worn wooden chairs. There was a window as well, curtains drawn and windowpane open to let the air in, though it smelled faintly of mako.

He set the food on the table before making his way to his room, determined to grab a towel and clean clothes. He bumped into Cloud, walking down the hall from the direction of the bathroom while toweling his hair.

“Food’s ready,” Zack said. “I’m gonna go wash up.”

“Good,” Cloud said, wrinkling his nose. It was kind of cute. The remark, not as much.

“Don’t be sassy,” Zack chided, flicking Cloud’s forehead as he moved aside. “You were all dirty, too.”

“Whatever. I’ll see you out there?”

“Yeah. You can eat first. Honestly, _please_ do. I’m worried you’ll fall over.”

“Nah, I’ll wait for you,” Cloud said, ignoring Zack’s teasing.

“Are you sure? I’ll shower as fast as I can. I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”

Cloud smiled one of his rarer smiles, a slight quirk of his lips that, while small, was enough to soften his usually stoic face.

“Take your time,” he said. “I’ll see you in the dining room.”

Zack pouted. “Fine. But you’re not stealing all the food while I’m gone.”

Cloud put his hands up, pretending to surrender. “I swear on my life I won’t.”

“ _Not funny_ ,” Zack said. But even though Cloud’s statement reminded him too much of what they had gone through and the lives that were taken from them, the playful air between them didn’t stop Zack from laughing and pushing Cloud’s shoulder.

When Cloud was gone and Zack was comfortable in the shower, he couldn’t help but indulge in how _happy_ their little conversation was. Maybe it was just the hot water relaxing the stiffness in Zack’s muscles, but he felt all mushy and light after talking to Cloud in the bathroom hallway. It was just mere banter, but to him it felt cozy, like home. Like they had known each other for lifetimes—and even if they were apart, they’d always fall back to each other with the same ease as before.

That sudden happiness followed Zack out of the bathroom and to the dining room, where he was unsurprised to see the food untouched, Cloud sitting at the table and looking lost in thought as he stared out the window.

Cloud looked up, watching Zack sit down in front of him with narrowed eyes.

“You look happy,” he said, suspicious yet gentle.

“What, I can’t enjoy dinner with a buddy?” Zack complained.

They enjoyed their dinner nonetheless. Zack filled the air with conversation while Cloud remained quiet, though he added commentary here and there that was enough for Zack to keep going.

Eventually, Cloud was the first one to retire for the night. It was still pretty early, but Zack let it slide for now—the guy deserved some actual peace and quiet. Leaving Cloud to his own devices, he decided to help the landlady out by washing the dishes piled up in the kitchen sink. Anything to earn his keep, even if only for a couple days more, if Tifa stayed true to her word about finding them a room in Sector 7.

Done with the chore, Zack went to the bathroom to brush his teeth before he retreated back to the room, finding the lights already turned off; Cloud was already in bed, hands folded behind his head as he silently laid there, deep in thought.

Zack figured it was better not to disturb the quiet. He wished Cloud a good night through a quick smile thrown his way before climbing into his respective bed at the other side of the small room.

The silence didn’t last, evidently.

“You’re always helping me,” Cloud said, long after they both got comfortable. “Ever since the beginning, you’ve helped me.”

Zack said nothing, unsure of where Cloud was going. Cloud must’ve realized how out of place the words seemed, as he continued hastily.

“I just—what I’m saying is, I want to help, too,” he said, promptly looking away; his bangs hid most of his face from Zack’s view, though he could vividly imagine a tinge of red across Cloud’s cheeks. “You can talk to me if you need someone. And it’s not repaying any favor, it’s… I, um, just want to be there for you. Like you do for me. So don’t bottle things up, because I know you do.”

Though Cloud’s delivery was shy and hesitant, his words were firm. Zack was unable to reply, as he was busy being struck by what the other had said.

_Bottle things up…?_

“No I don’t,” Zack said. “I’m a happy guy, see? I have to be.”

“You don’t _have_ to be anything,” Cloud said. “Zack, I—look, just forget it. It’s fine.”

“Cloud—” Zack started.

“Tomorrow,” Cloud said sharply. “Please, Zack, I’m just… let’s go to sleep. I’m tired.”

Zack was tired, too. Exhausted, even. But he had to be strong—who’d support Cloud if he wasn’t? He trusted Tifa and Aerith, but he hated to sit idle. He wanted to show everyone that he made it out the other side, better than before. Another shot at being a hero, even if it wasn’t like he imagined.

 _Liar_ , a voice in his head said, scornful and poisonous.

He didn’t sleep well that night, and there was no way of telling if Cloud did; the young man was laying with his back facing Zack. His bed was only a couple feet away, given the room’s small size, though Zack felt like there was a whole world between them. He felt like they were separated again, slowly wilting in their old mako tanks.

* * *

The air was sweet with the fragrance of flowers and Aerith’s humming—some of Zack’s favorite things, both setting his mind on autopilot as he watered the clumps of foxtails and lilies like Aerith had instructed him. His watering can was slowly getting empty; he should probably go refill it.

Behind him, Aerith was tending to the rows of flowers on the other end of the pathway. Zack walked up to her and crouched, staring at Aerith’s pale hands smeared with fresh dirt.

“Why don’t you wear gloves? Don’t gardeners have those?”

“They do,” Aerith said lightly, flicking a smeck of dirt at his forehead. Zack grimaced and brushed it away as she continued, “It may sound strange, but I like the feeling of the earth and flowers and how alive they are. I feel closer to them.”

Zack tapped his chin thoughtfully. “That’ll make it easier for you to talk to them, right?”

Aerith smiled at him, and Zack was reminded yet again of how much he adored her. What little sunset that peeked through the plate shone in her eyes, a vibrant green that was full of nothing but life and fondness, all reserved for him in that moment.

“It’s getting dark. Do you want to stay for dinner? Mom won’t mind,” she said, rising to her feet. With his cleaner hands, Zack reached down to dust off the front of her dress, and she laughed her gratitude as she rubbed some dirt off her own hands. Washing with soap would rid of the rest, but she didn’t mind.

“Nah, I’m good. I should probably head back to the inn before Cloud gets there, or else he’ll worry. He’s probably on his way from Tifa’s right now.”

“I’ll send home food, then! Wait here.”

Before he could protest, Aerith was already dashing towards her house, disappearing behind the door. She returned in a flash, carrying a plastic bag with two containers full of food inside. Beaming, she lifted the bag towards Zack.

“Cloud and I can afford food, y’know,” Zack said, but he took the bag anyway.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t take care of you guys,” Aerith replied. “Got _years_ to make up for.”

Zack didn’t know what to say about that, so he laughed it off. It was easier to laugh than to think about it.

Aerith, sensing his vague discomfort, patted his arm. “Okay, off you go now. Tell Cloud I said hi.”

“Honestly, you could visit us sometime. The inn’s not even that far from your house.”

“I mean, I could, _but_ … well, anyway—goodnight, Zack!”

At that, Zack swatted her braid as she whipped around to walk back toward her house, laughing as she did so. Holding back a grin of his own, Zack started for the edge of the property, up the wooden steps that would lead him towards the walkway back to the heart of Sector 5.

Sometimes, when they had different plans and eventually met up at the end of the day, Cloud would wait for him in front of the inn. Zack was excited to see him again. Cloud had left for Sector 7 in the morning to help with Tifa’s errands while Zack stayed to take more odd jobs, so neither had seen each other all day.

However, it wasn’t Cloud sitting on the bench in front of the inn, but—

“ _Tseng_?” Zack exclaimed, his voice thin with disbelief.

Except it wasn’t Tseng, it couldn’t be. The Tseng Zack knew years ago was reserved yet light enough to crack a joke here or there. That Tseng was Zack’s friend, even if he worked for the more secretive side of Shinra.

 _This_ Tseng was different; he held himself higher, a cold air surrounding him that Zack only had a small taste of when they had been younger and less restrained by their work. 

“Zack Fair,” Tseng said. His voice was smoother, more confident in its calm quietness. “It’s been a while.”

“Holy shit, your hair! It’s so long!”

At least Tseng’s laughter was the same: a faint chuckle, bordering on a hum, whittled down from pure laughter after years of practiced behavior. Hearing it again eased Zack’s racing heart—it reminded him that some things remained the same.

 _The Turks were sent to hunt you down_ , a small voice in Zack’s head. _Don’t forget. They’re the enemy. They’re Shinra. They’re—_

“It’s good to see that you’re still easily excitable as always,” Tseng said, and the voice disappeared.

“It’s good to see _you_ ,” Zack said. But as joyous as he was to see an old face, he was reminded of the circumstances. Zack forced himself to pause before he could let himself wrap Tseng in a hug, whether the Turk liked it or not.

“You’re not with them, right?” Zack asked warily.

“I’m always with them,” Tseng said, his voice mildly shrewd; his expression softened just a bit at the sight of Zack’s nervousness. “Don’t worry, Zack—I’m only here to check up on Aerith as usual.”

“ _Still_? What for? It’s been years.”

“Private matters. But as I was saying, I had noticed your return because you were often with Aerith, but I didn’t want to contact you immediately. Shinra’s eyes are everywhere, you know. It may be out of line for me, but I suppose I didn’t want you to suffer anymore than you already did.”

“Gee, that’s…” Zack scratched the back of his head, shifting his feet. “I appreciate it. So I take that you’re not going to rat me out? Isn’t that against the rules or whatever?”

Tseng looked away. “I could turn you in, but even a Turk can grow a conscience. Even if it complicates everything else.”

Zack fell silent, unsure what to say. A part of him was relieved to hear that he was still safe, though it warred with another part of him. Zack hadn’t exactly been stealthy when it came to roaming between sectors, but he always stayed clear of Shinra patrols and the like.

Until Tseng found him out. That was probably because he was always often around Aerith; that girl always seemed to have the Turks’ attention, which Zack still never figured out why.

If Tseng had discovered his existence, then that could mean more people knew as well. The thought worried Zack immensely, his first thought soaring to Cloud—he couldn’t leave Cloud to Shinra again, not after everything. He’d sooner sacrifice his own life to allow that to happen.

As if reading his thoughts, Tseng cleared his throat and interrupted Zack’s internal conflict. “I’m not here to stir any trouble. I only wanted to see Aerith, and in association, you. I’ve known about your arrival for a while, and I admit it relieved me. I refrained from coming down to meet you myself, for both of our sakes. But I’m truly glad you’re doing well.”

“Tseng,” Zack sniffed, “you’re going to make me cry.”

“Don’t,” the Turk replied bluntly, though with the faintest hint of a smile. “That’ll cause a scene. I shouldn’t even be talking to you without alerting Shinra.”

Zack pouted. “The life of the party as always. Oh, how’s Cissnei, by the way? Is she doing okay?”

“She relocated to Junon, said she needed to get away from Midgar for a while. It’s understandable, really—this _is_ the heart of Shinra.”

“Aw, man,” Zack said. “I want to see her. Thank her for not reporting me back th—nevermind, that’s not the point. I hope she’s doing well!”

Tseng’s eyes narrowed at Zack’s blunder, but he didn’t say anything. He probably long figured out how Cissnei lied about not seeing Zack on that beach years ago, when he had first busted Cloud out of Nibelheim. Zack wouldn’t doubt it if Tseng found out; the Turk had the look where he seemed to know everyone’s secrets.

“I’ll mention to her that you’ve made it Midgar,” Tseng said. “She can’t abandon her post to see you for herself, but she’d be relieved to hear that you’re safe.”

That was better than nothing, though Zack wished he could see Cissnei again. His memory of her was a bit fuzzy, but he _did_ remember an echo of her voice, soft but sure in her confidence.

“That’d be great,” Zack said. “That means a lot. Thank you.”

Tseng nodded. “I should go. Before I do, though—I suppose your friend is here? There _was_ a report of two people who escaped Nibelheim.”

“You mean Cloud? Yeah, he’s here. Well, not _here_. He’s handling business in Sector 7. He might be on his way back by now.”

“Business, you say?”

Zack swelled with pride. “We’re mercs! Gotta use the SOLDIER in me to do some good, you know what I mean? Compensate for everything bad we did.”

“I suppose you’re right,” Tseng said, though there was an edge of warning. Zack paused immediately; of course Tseng would be a little guarded about that. Even if Shinra’s was morally corrupt, he was still under their command.

“Well… everything that happened aside, I’m glad you’ve been doing okay, too,” Zack said. “I wondered about you while I was on the run.”

“I apologize for not finding you faster. If I did, perhaps you and Strife could have made a speedier recovery.”

“Hey,” Zack said, “what’s done is done. I'm just really happy to see you, man.”

Tseng allowed a small smile. “Likewise.” 

“And your _hair_! I’m sorry, but it’s just gotten so long since last time—what made you want to grow it out? It looks nice!”

The Turk looked at him with a touch of fondness, though it was masked with a roll of his eyes. “I should be going right now; maybe we’ll catch up some more another day. By the way, I have a delivery for you. I left it on the front desk inside. Take care to read it all, yes?”

“What is it?”

“Letters,” Tseng said. “Eighty-seven of them, though she wrote eighty-eight in all.”

It took him a minute, but then Zack recalled standing over a cliffside, a worn piece of paper clutched into tight, white-knuckled hands. He still had that last eighty-eighth one she’d sent, somewhere in his room. A feeling of sadness passed over him, as well as the fuzzy remains of that particular memory.

 _Aerith’s letters. I completely forgot_.

“She wanted me to give you them while you were in Nibelheim. I suppose this was a good time to finally fulfill my duty.”

“Thanks, Tseng.” Zack’s voice was quiet. He suddenly felt a bit stilted, off-balance under the new weight of Aerith’s letters waiting for him inside. He wasn’t sure why he was so apprehensive about it.

“There’s no need to read them all,” Tseng said, noticing Zack’s anxiety. “You don’t even have to look at them. But they’ll be there when you want to read them.”

Zack nodded. He wanted to go inside now, before Cloud could arrive. He wanted a bit of time for himself to recollect his mess of feelings. Fortunately, Tseng was always true to his word, as he readjusted his tie and cleared his throat.

“Take care of yourself, okay, Zack?” the Turk said. “I know those years must’ve done a number on you. Strife as well.”

“Yeah,” Zack mumbled quietly. “Thanks. Not just for the letters—for being understanding with the whole Angeal mission in Banora and looking after Aerith while I was gone, too.”

Tseng seemed to hesitate a bit, but he reached out and squeezed Zack’s shoulder. It was a simple and brief gesture, but its impact was lasting as Zack fought to push back tears as Tseng pulled away with a sincere look of sympathy on his normally stern face.

“I’ll see you soon. Still alive, I hope,” Tseng said lightly, before turning away and walking away, his black suit blending with the lengthening shadows of the night. Zack stared after him, missing the time when he was younger and unaware of what would happen to him, before rolling his shoulders and entering the inn.

The letters were there on the front counter, just as Tseng promised: they were all stacked inside a box with a clear cover, with tape over it that said SEALED in bold letters. There were years of history in this very box, Zack thought, as he picked it up and held it reverently against his chest.

 _Maybe I’ll read a few. I’m kinda curious_.

He took it back to the room and sat cross-legged on the bed, slowly peeling off the tape and lifting the box lid. He picked the letter on the top of the pile. The eighty-seventh one, second to last—was still in pristine condition, which hurt Zack even more. Of course the paper wouldn’t go through any wear. It had never been delivered until years later.

_Zack,_

_A wagon would be nice, but I’m still waiting for you to come back so that you can fix it. For now, though, I’m using my usual basket to sell flowers from. I don’t mind it, and I don’t mind waiting, either. But I do wonder where you are right now, how you’ve been doing._

_Again, I hope things are okay. Shinra should cut you guys some slack. You deserve a break. Think about it: a nice vacation, just the two of us. You could finally take me to see the world. I don’t even know where we’d start! I’ll let you decide—I trust you. I’ll follow wherever you choose to go._

_But until then, I’ll keep taking care of our flowers. The ones you planted are doing well, though I think it’s because I’m the one tending to them. But they’re there, and they remind me of you, so everything’s okay. No amount of flowers can beat you, though._

_Just come back soon. I don’t know how long I’ll keep writing to you, but… I’m always there, okay? I can feel you. Just trust me._

_Yours,_

_Aerith_

He pressed the heel of his palm against his eye, calming himself before he could let any tears well up behind burning eyelids. He set aside that letter and leafed through the others, plucking out one from the middle of the stack and laying it across the bed for him to read.

_Zack,_

_It’s been some months since you’ve left. Nothing much has happened since the last time I wrote. Everything’s quiet and peaceful. I should probably space my letters out more, since nothing really happens in between. But I never feel really content until I’ve written to you. It’s been my only way of communication, anyway._

_Your friend Kunsel visited the church the other day. He’s very sweet—I’m glad you have friends like him at Shinra. He just wanted to check up on me. A lot of people have been doing that. But I’m fine, really—a bit sad, but fine. I can take care of myself._

_Maybe the letters I’ve sent got lost or something, but that’s why I’m writing again. Maybe this one will reach you. That’s all I can hope for._

_I’ll be going now. I’ve been helping out more at the orphanage, and the kids take a lot of time. I don’t mind the work, it takes my mind off things. I’ll always think about you, though, so you don’t have to worry. I’ll still be here._

_—Aerith_

It didn’t help that Zack could perfectly hear Aerith’s voice in the words she wrote. He traced her neat handwriting with shaky fingers; his other hand was constantly wiping away tears, until he moved it over his mouth to unsuccessfully stifle a harsh sob that managed to escape from somewhere inside—somewhere Zack thought he had carefully managed to guard with optimism and hope, though to no avail.

He read through a couple more letters, forcing himself to face the reality of his absence. He thought he completely accepted the events, and he _had_ , but reading Aerith’s letters and imagining the years he missed brought a whole new look to his situation that only made it much more painful to internalize.

 _Aerith, I’m so sorry_ , Zack thought. _I’m so, so sorry_.

He was sorry for himself, too, sorry for the past version of him who he thought was still him. But that Zack prior to the Nibelheim incident was long gone. Sure, he could pull off his happy-go-lucky persona easily, but that came at a cost—sometimes, he believed in his own lies. But nothing could ever change what he’d gone through, what they’ve done to him.

How could he think he was ever going to be okay?

Possessed by a sudden manic drive, Zack searched the other letters, too. He read them in a dizzy rush, his tears coming and going as much as the words that passed under his eyes. He could practically feel the loneliness and longing from the letters, and it only made him cry harder. It made him ache for those times—yes, he was happy now, grateful to be alive, but deep down he yearned to live the days that were stolen from him.

He didn’t know how much time passed, but it was enough where he heard footsteps in the hallway outside. Shame welled up in Zack through more tears, and he viciously wiped them away before his friend could walk in.

It must’ve been a sight, to see Zack hunched over on his bed, a haphazard array of letters fanned out in front of him; some were wrinkled from being clutched too hard, and others had the fading marks of fallen tears. Zack laughed to himself, feeling somewhat humiliated as Cloud’s shocked expression gentled into sadness.

“Zack,” he said simply. He crossed the room and slowly picked up some letters, putting them in a pile off to the side in order to create space for him to sit in front of Zack.

“Hey, Spike,” Zack said, failing to steady his voice. A sob escaped when he met Cloud’s warm, blue-green eyes.

“It’s okay,” Cloud said, catching Zack’s shoulders as the latter instinctively leaned into his arms. Zack was embarrassed by the tears and sounds he was making, but his worries ebbed away as he felt Cloud’s arms tighten around him, a hand rubbing soothing circles on his back. The touch only made the pain worse, as well as the fact that Zack could feel Cloud turn his head to look at the letters’ content, at the source of Zack’s hurt.

After a while, Zack pulled away. He palmed away his tears and managed a weak smile, though his cheeks ached at the effort.

“Tseng came by—a Turk,” he mumbled.

Cloud tensed. He was holding Zack’s arms now, seemingly unable to withdraw. “What did a Turk want with you? Are you okay? Did you get hurt?”

“No, no, it’s not like that. He’s… he’s a good guy, I think. We were friends before the whole... yeah. You know.”

Cloud hummed, soothing Zack’s remaining hiccups by brushing his thumbs back and forth over Zack’s forearms.

“She’d write me— _to_ me. Aerith, I mean. Sorry, I—” He took a deep breath and started over as Cloud nodded encouragingly. “While I was gone, she’d write me letters. Tseng, I don’t know why, but he looks after her.”

Cloud’s eyes darkened at the thought of a Turk shadowing Aerith, but he didn’t say anything on Zack’s behalf.

“Anyways, she’d write me letters and have Tseng deliver them to me… but you know… things happened, and I never got them. Until now.”

“He found you and delivered them,” Cloud murmured. “And now you’ve read them.”

“I don't want to tell Aerith I got them,” Zack admitted. “There’s no point. I mean, I’m here, aren’t I? There’s no need to bring up the past. But I just… it’s _so_ much, Cloud. There’s so much… so much to read, so much I’ve missed. Just so, so much.”

“Just because everything is in the past doesn't mean we ignore it,” Cloud said gently. “I know you. You don’t ignore anything. You take everything in and silently put the weight on your shoulders. That includes all the years you’ve missed. The letters you didn’t get.”

“Yeah…”

“But you’re not alone anymore,” he added. “I’m awake now, aren’t I? You don’t have to bear seven years worth of letters alone.”

Zack's throat clenched; he tried hard not to cry, but he couldn’t help but rub his eyes with the heel of his palms, ignoring the burn. “I guess you’re right.”

“I know you’ve missed out on a lot. Whole _years_ went by. Honestly, I’m surprised you haven’t got upset about it earlier. You’re so strong, Zack, not letting it faze you. But you don’t have to pretend for me. For any of us. It’s okay to let it out. I _want_ you to let it out—all of it.”

Zack’s hands found their way to Cloud’s shoulders, which he gripped tightly as if Cloud was the only thing anchoring him. “Promise you won’t leave me alone when I do?” he managed; the words felt familiar, an echo of another plea. Perhaps one of them had said them in an earlier conversation.

Cloud smiled. “Promise.” He raised a pinky finger, which had Zack choke back a shaky laugh as he raised his own pinky towards Cloud’s, linking them together.

The younger man then gently guided Zack by their locked fingers to his respective bed on the other side of the room. “Come on. We need to sleep all the sadness and regret away.”

“I can sleep on my own bed,” Zack protested weakly. “We have two for a reason…”

“I know, but you deserve to feel safe.”

Those words felt like too much to bear. “I—”

“ _Sleep_ ,” Cloud said firmly.

It wasn’t anything Zack wasn’t used to, but there was an added meaning to it, the way they were sleeping together again. There was something delicate about the way Cloud was crawling into bed, moving aside blankets to make room for Zack.

It had always felt intimate—protecting someone dear always was—but there was no need for protection anymore. Now, they could be themselves again. Zack didn’t know what that entailed, and he wasn’t sure if he was scared or not, but he took it all in stride. As long as he was with Cloud, he’d be fine.

Cloud seemed to feel the same. Unusually bold for once, he tucked Zack’s head underneath his chin so that he was nestled against his chest. Despite the somewhat forward gesture, Zack found himself already relaxing underneath Cloud’s arms, with a faint heartbeat against Zack’s cheek lulling him to ease.

 _What is this?_ Zack wondered through the numbness, but he couldn’t find the energy in him to figure it out. All his crying left him exhausted.

“You deserve some rest,” Cloud mumbled. “Some comfort. Let me help for once.”

Zack squirmed a bit, finally finding a comfortable position as he pressed his forehead against Cloud's collarbone, arms tightening around the other’s middle. _What a small waist_ , he thought, but knew better than to say the observation out loud. Cloud would probably push him off the bed.

So he said, with as much feeling his tired heart could muster, “Thanks, Cloud.”

This time, Cloud was the one to ruffle his hair. “Get used to this; the room Tifa offered to us only has one bed, remember?”

“I remember,” Zack said. “You’re still cool with that, right?”

“Of course. You know, we can probably buy a mattress or something to move it to the new place, but…” He sounded almost like a boy in his shyness. “I like this.”

 _I like you_ , Zack found himself thinking. The thought came naturally—it wasn’t an epiphany, a sudden burst of realization that changed his life. It passed over him like a kind of warmth, spreading throughout as he laid there in Cloud’s arms, Cloud’s body being the only thing he knew at the moment.

“Zack?” Cloud whispered when he didn’t respond immediately. “You asleep already?”

Zack could’ve probably at least made a sound, but he was content with the quiet. He didn’t regret feigning sleep, especially when he eventually closed his eyes to the feeling of Cloud’s fingers slowly sifting through his hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk if there's some of u who like it but... TWEWY ANIME !!!


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